The Curse of Bonds

It's been a while again, but I'm back. First of all, Kamo's piece below this one is magnificent, and it made me laugh my ass off. Second...well actually that thing about Kamo was all I had to say. On with the show!

There was an article in my local paper the other day on how cursed the Pirates had been since Barry Bonds left the Pirates. I first thought of this over four years ago after the first time the Pats beat the Steelers in the AFC title game, but I never put it in writing.

Until now. Hide your children, folks, for the story I am about to tell is one so terrifying, so hideous, it can only come from a guy that lives in New Kensington. I give you..

The Curse of Bonds

It was a dark night on October 14, 1992, but in Pittsburgh things could not have been brighter. The Steelers were a surprising 4-2 in their first season under Bill Cowher, thanks in large part to Barry Foster running wild on his opponents. The Penguins were just starting the 1992-93 season, and expectations were very high after winning the Stanley Cup the previous two years. And the Pirates were in their third straight National League Championship Series. Led by Barry Bonds, who won his second NL MVP award in three years, and other stars like Andy van Slyke, Doug Drabek, Jose Lind, and Jay Bell, the Pirates had won 3 consecutive NL East division championships and in the previous two years came close to winning the pennant and advancing to the World Series.

But underneath all the wins and celebrations, there was a dark secret. The team was losing money at an alarming rate, and after the season it would be dismantled. Bonds was asking too high a price and secretly was intent on going to the Giants, the team for which his father played. Other soon-to-be free agents Lind and Drabek would also be too expensive to keep. The outlook for the next couple years looked grim, as the team was preparing for a rebuilding mode.

It's now the bottom of the 9th on that ill-fated night. The Pirates entered the last half inning with a 2-0 lead. Doug Drabek was pitching a hell of a game, and all over Pittsburgh people were eagerly anticipating that third out when their beloved Pirates would erase the past two years and finally make it to the Series. But things began to unravel. Jose Lind, widely considered to be the best defensive second baseman at the time, uncharacteristically booted a ground ball. Fast forward two outs and one run later. Stan Belinda came in for Drabek and is now in the biggest save situation of his career. David Justice is on third, and Sid Bream, a veteran of many years who by then was one of the slowest players in baseball, was on second. Up to bat was pinch hitter Francisco Cabrera. Cabrera was not known for his power (most home runs in a season: seven). Centerfielder van Slyke knew this, and motioned for Bonds to play up in left a little bit. Bonds, always the stubborn one, ignored him, and it seems as though the fates chose that moment to spin the thread of the Pirates' doom.

Cabrera hit a weak blooper to shallow left, right where van Slyke wanted Bonds to stand, and right where he could have easily caught the title-clinching out. As Bonds charged to get the ball, Justice scored to tie it, and Bream hobbled around third towards the plate. Bonds got to the ball and fired it towards catcher Mike LaValliere. However, it was off target, and LaValliere had to stretch to make the tag on the sliding Bream.

He was one inch too short, and one second too late. The fans at Fulton County Stadium went berserk. van Slyke, in what has been the most enduring image of the past 14 years of Pirate baseball, sat in center with a look on his face so lost, so distant, so despondent, you would have thought someone had just shot him. Bonds stood in left, half thinking that he had once again choked in the postseason, half thinking that he was gonna sign the biggest contract in baseball history in a month or so. People in Pittsburgh spent the next few days in mourning, literally acting as though the president had been assassinated. The way the game and season ended hurt a lot, but what made it worse back then was the rebuilding plan and the prospect of a couple years of bad baseball before they are good again. What people didn't know was the snowball effect it would have not only on the Pirates, but the entire sports landscape in Pittsburgh. Here is a year-by-year breakdown of the curse's manifestation.

1993

January 9: The Steelers, after clinching AFC home field advantage with an 11-5 record, host their first playoff game in ten years. A then-record crowd at Three Rivers Stadium watches black and gold get destroyed by the eventual conference champs, 24-3.

May 14: The Penguins, loaded with Hall of Famers and owners of both the best record in the league and the longest winning streak in NHL history, lose in the second round of the playoffs. In game 7 against the Islanders, offensively inept David Volek became Cabrera on skates when he scored the clinching goal in overtime.

1994

January 8: The Steelers clinch a wild card spot, but stumble late in their first round game against an aging Joe Montana and the Chiefs, and lose by 3 in overtime.

1995

January 15: The Steelers once again clinch home field advantage, but this time they win their first round game and advance to the AFC Championship. In front of yet another Three Rivers record crowd, the 9.5 point favorite Steelers collapse in the second half and lose to the upstart Chargers. The loss was one of the most painful losses in team history.

1996

January 28: The Steelers finally make it to the Super Bowl, where after a shaky start they come within 3 points of the heavily favored Cowboys. After recovering an onside kick that seemed to destroy any remaining momentum "America's Team" had, Neil O'Donnell throws his second horrible interception to relatively unknown CB Larry Brown. Brown would win MVP honors, O'Donnell would never come close to success again, and the Steelers perfect Super Bowl record was gone.

October: The Pirates enjoy their fourth straight losing season with no end of the streak in sight,

and the Penguins embark on yet another season in which they will make the playoffs and ultimately lose again.

1997

January 5: The Steelers win their division again, and after destroying the Colts in the first

round, are a road victory against New England away from once again hosting the AFC title game against the surprising Jaguars. In a dense fog the Pats score early and score often, clubbing the Steelers 28-3.

October: In what was one of the most surprising stories of the year. The Pirates stay in contention for the NL Central title all season. Highlights included a combined extra inning no hitter by Francisco Cordova and Ricardo Rincon. However, they stumble late in the season, and finish 5.5 games back of the Astros.

December 31: Pitt football makes its first bowl game in 8 years under new coach Walt Harris, but lose to Souther Mississippi, 41-7.

1998

January 11: In Kordell Stewart's first season as a starter, he leads the Steelers to yet another AFC title game. He has an awful game, though, and the Steelers lose to the eventual Super Bowl champ Denver. This is the start of "Slash's" ugly, ugly downfall.

November 26: The refs screw up a coin toss, costing the Steelers a Thanksgiving Day win in Detroit. They would lose their last five games, miss the playoffs, and at 7-9, finish under .500 for the first time under Cowher.

1999

The whole year wasn't very good. The Pirates stunk, the Steelers stunk even worse, and the Pens once again didn't do well in the playoffs. Are you noticing that since 10/14/92 there have been ample opportunities to win big games, and Pittsburgh teams tanked each time? That's the curse, folks. Moving on...

2000

September 24: The Steelers are now 0-3 after losing at home to the Titans.

October 1: The Pirates' last game at Three Rivers is a loss to the Cubs. While tears were shed and fond memories shared, the optimism over their new home far overshadowed any bad feelings. With PNC Park came the hope of a contending team and an escape from the hell in which fans had suffered for the past eight seasons.

December: Mario Lemieux announces he is coming out of retirement, and when he does he immediately becomes a scoring machine and lights a fire in the asses of his teammates. However, the Pens would just toy with us, as they advance to the conference finals in 2001 and lose to the Devils.

2001

This year could be summed up in one sentence: The Pirates signed Derek Bell, and went on to lose 100 games in PNC Park's inaugural season.

2002

January 27: The Steelers (sigh) clinch home field in Heinz Field's first season, and lose in the AFC title game to eventual Super Bowl champ New England. The game is marred by horrible special teams, and yet another Kordell Stewart choking after a promising regular season.

2003

January 11: After a legendary comeback win against the Browns in the first round, the Steelers lose to the Titans in an overtime thriller. The Titans Joe Nedney missed his first attempt at the game winning FG, but Steeler CB Dewayne Washington ran into him, giving Nedney five yards and another chance. He made good on this one, and once again the Steelers went home earlier than they should have.

July 23: The Pirates have some older players, but they are producing, and at this point still have a somewhat realistic chance at the NL wild card. These hopes are shattered on this day when the Bucs trade (give away) Kenny Lofton and Aramis Ramirez for three minor league scrubs, including Bobby Hill. Lofton and Ramirez would help lead the Cubs to the NLCS, while the Pirates...well you know.

December 28: The Steelers' season mercifully ends in Baltimore with a 13-10 loss. Tommy Maddox has a horrible season, and one of its repercussions is the 11th pick in the 2004 draft, which would be used on a man named Roethlisberger.

Oh, in case you were wondering, that last Pens mention in 2000 was the last time they made the playoffs. They have been beyond horrible ever since, and only now are showing some decent signs of hope. Of course, none of this will matter if they don't get an arena. They'll be Kansas City's problem.

2004

September 19: A sign of hope! Maddox is injured against Baltimore and Roethlisberger replaces him. He starts the next week, and the 13 after it, winning them all. The Steelers finish the 2004 season 15-1, the best record ever for an AFC team. Big Ben is easily named rookie of the year, and expectations are once again high in the Steel City.

2005

January 1: Pitt makes it to the Fiesta Bowl only cause every other team in the Big East was that bad. They are embarassed and exposed as frauds by Utah, who dismantles them in a 35-7 blowout that wasn't as close as the score indicated.

January 23: You guessed, it. The Steelers lose another AFC title game at home.

December 4: The Steelers are 6-5 and in danger of missing out on the playoffs after a loss to the Bengals. Things turn around, though, and they enter the AFC playoffs as a 6 seed with an 11-5 record. In the opening round they embarass division rival Cincy, 31-17, and go to Indianapolis to face the #1 seeded Colts, a team that had stomped them earlier in the year.

2006: The Year the Curse Was Broken

January 15: The curse once again shows its ugly face, as Jerome Bettis fumbles the ball at the Indy 1 yard line. With the Steelers already up late in the game, a Bettis TD would have clinched the shocking upset in which the Colts were outplayed in every facet of game. Colts DB Nick Harper recovered the fumble and had a clear path to the end zone.

But Ben Roethlisberger tripped him up, and in doing so he broke the curse and changed Pittsburgh sports forever.

The Steelers held on to win, and three weeks later they would hoist their fifth Lombardi Trophy. The Barry Bonds Curse, which had prevented any Pittsburgh team from winning a big game since 1992, is a thing of the past. And good riddance, cause it was a bad one, maybe the worst because of its universal effect on all things Pittsburgh. Boston fans cried about Babe Ruth cursing their Red Sox, but in between Series wins the Celtics won 16 NBA titles (including 8 in a row at one point), the Bruins won 5 Stanley Cups, and the Pats won two Super Bowls. While Cubs fans were whining about their team not making a World Series in 50+ years, they missed out on Michael Jordan owning the NBA for the better part of 14 years, the Bears having one of the greatest teams ever in 1986, and the Blackhawks being a good team up until recently. Pittsburgh fans only had to endure 14 years of misery, but it was spread out over all the teams, so it felt like a whole lot longer.

And things are not perfect yet. The Pens are still a year or two away from contending, and the Pirates are still the biggest joke in baseball, especially this year. Someday, and I hope it is soon, we can forget this curse ever existed, and when we think of Pittsburgh, we can truly call it the City of Champions.

Crystal Ball Gazing

With the Pirates hopes of having a winning season in 2006 effectively ending within the first week of games, it is time to look ahead to what will happen for the remainder of 2006 and what Pirates General Manager Dave Littlefield and owner Kevin McClatchy have laid out for the team...

July 21st, 2006: In a move that some will question years down the road, the Pirates decide to trade Jason Bay and Jeromy Burnitz to the Yankees for 2002 Opening Day Starter Ron Villone and the bust of Babe Ruth's head from centerfield in Yankee Stadium. Littlefield will defend his decision to trade the player that some consider to be the franchises cornerstone (Bay) by stating, "The fact that we could get a guy like Villone was big, but getting the bust of Babe Ruth? C'mon, that is like winning the World Series."

July 22nd, 2006: Citing the need for a power hitter now that Bay is gone, the Pirates move Nate McLouth to left and sign Joey Porter to a 1 year deal to play centerfield and bat 4th. Yes, the Steelers' Joey Porter.

August 18th, 2006: The Pirates, coming off of a 37 game losing streak, decide not to bring any prospects up for the month of September and rather play out the season with who they currently have. The reason for this is simple- The Pirates AAA-affiliate in Indianapolis is on the verge of making the playoffs in the International League and many of the players are refusing to put on a Pirates uniform. Chris Duffy, who started 2006 in Pittsburgh, had this to say on the incident: "Listen, playing in the Major Leagues is something we all dream of, but to be honest, the best day I had this season was May 15th when I got sent down to Indianapolis. I finally knew what it was like to have a winning streak and I was able to play in front of more than a few hundred diehard fans a night." Duffy is subsequently fined and is forced to finish the season wearing a Pirates uniform as punishment for the remarks.

August 19th, 2006: McClatchy, scrambling for players and hoping to boost attendence, announces that the Pirates will be running a promotion in which at every home game 10 lucky fans will get to actually play due to the fact that no minor leaguers will accept a call-up. He calls it, "Play for the Pirates" but no one really thinks it will work because they are unsure if 10 people will show up for the next game.

September 12th, 2006: In what is believed to be the oldest person to ever play in a Major League game, 87-year old Ethel Mae Roberts of Wexford is called in to play first base after Craig Wilson is hit with a pitch in the 4th inning. Roberts, in a strange turn of events, winds up going 2-2 in the game and is signed to a free agent deal afterwards by the Boston Red Sox. When asked why the Pirates did not make an attempt to sign such Ethel Mae, Dave Littlefield simply puts his head in his hands and begins to cry.

September 27th, 2006: 11-year old Kenny Thompson of Cannonsburg is hit with a 97 mph fastball in the face by Roy Oswalt causing his career to be put in jeopardy. Oswalt offers no apologies afterwards simply saying, "He should've got off my plate. Punk." The beaning of Thompson, a 6th grader, prompts Pirates management to suspend the, "Play for the Pirates" promotion.

October 1st, 2006: Due to the fact that the "Play for the Pirates" promo is suspended the Pirates average a mere 31 people per game for their final homestand of the season. They limp home to a Major League worst 44-118 record but optimism abounds for 2007 as manager Jim Tracy proclaims that the team is looking at ways to make itself more competitive.

November 5th, 2006: Littlefield and McClatchy get to work on shaping the Pirates 2007 roster in hopes of besting the 44 wins the club posted in 2006. McClatchy, hoping to get some star power to Pittsburgh, goes out and signs Jeromy Burnitz away from the Yankees. He is so happy about the signing that he renames the rightfield wall at PNC Park "Burnitz' Biotch" and throws a party for himself.

November 10th, 2006: In a disturbing turn of events that proves Littlefield is losing his mind, he wears a pair of hooker boots and lipstick into Tom's Diner on West Liberty at 3 AM. He is in turn beat to within an inch of his life by two Pirate season-ticket holders and robbed of $35 in cash. The next day McClatchy stands behind his GM and promises that, "This will all take care of itself."

November 29th, 2006: In a cost-cutting maneuver, the Pirates trade Jack Wilson, Craig Wilson, Jose Hernandez, and Roberto Hernandez to the Dodgers for righthanded pitcher Jae Seo. When pressed as to exactly why, McClatchy said it was all a matter of simple economics: "Think about it for a second folks- you have 4 guys and 2 last names. What does this mean to us from a financial standpoint? Well, it is standard procedure for us to put the player's last name on a jersey, but when you talk about having to put the first letter of a guy's name on his jersey too? That is some extra money that we just weren't ready to spend. And for you wise guys who are going to ask why trade all four guys and not just one, the last names Wilson and Hernandez are pretty common- not to mention that Hernandez is pretty damn long. So to ensure we spend the minimal on jersey lettering, we are going to eliminate names that are longer than 7 letters."

December 3rd, 2006: Staying true to his word, McClatchy announces that Mike Gonzalez, Ryan Vogelsong, Jose Bautista, Jose Castillo, Bryan Bullington, Tom Gorzelanny, Mike Johnston, Josh Sharpless, Craig Stansberry, John Van Benschoten, and Yurendell de Caster are all released or traded due to the dreaded, "7 Letter Rule."

December 15th, 2006: The Pirates turn down a trade to acquire slugger Adam Dunn from the Reds for Jae Seo because of the fact that Dunn's last name has more letters in it than Seo's does.

December 31st, 2006: McClatchy and Littlefield hold a press conference announcing the beginning of a new 5 year plan for rebuilding the team in hopes of winning a title by 2011. McClatchy says he plans on slashing the team budget so much that for many road games the team will have to travel by school bus or even bicycle. He also says that because of the increasing costs of electric and water, the Pirates will play all their home games during the day and their will be only porta-johns to use instead of restrooms.


Ah, the future looks so bright... until next time, enjoy watching Oliver Perez self-destruct and seeing Santonio Holmes fly by people at mini-camp.