The Sport Formerly Known as America's Pastime

"Welcome to Major League Baseball...sort of." - Harry Doyle, Major League II

I really hate computers. I had been planning on writing my piece on baseball a couple weekends ago, but my computer decided to go a little crazy, and I've spent most of my time dealing with foreign tech support. But since training camp is starting on Friday, meaning the baseball season will be over after Thursday's games, I figure I better get this done.

WHAT'S RIGHT

1. It's still baseball. Even though the sport has been completely jacked up for the better part of twenty years, there is still a soft spot in America's heart for the game. People will always flock to the ballpark on a summer night to catch a game, but anymore you have to wonder if that's a testament to the magic of the game or the great marketing skills of the franchises.

2. Barry Bonds is almost gone. Even though he hasn't been found guilty of anything, be it in a court of law or the kangaroo court of MLB, his nasty reputation and the suspicion around him negates any of his accomplishments. The sport will be much better off when we don't have to see his every at bat and non-stop coverage by Pedro "If I'm up Bonds's ass any more I'll be able to tell you what he's having for dinner tomorrow" Gomez.

3. New York teams do well. From a fan's perspective, nothing could be more annoying. From a business perspective, it's very good when the teams in the biggest markets generate interest. Why? Interest leads to revenue, and revenue is never bad.

4. PNC Park. It's every bit as beautiful as its inhabitants are ugly, and that's no small feat.

5. Actually, I can't think of another thing that's good about the game.

WHAT'S WRONG (What isn't?)

1. Economics. I know it's possible to field a decent team with a smaller payroll, but even then it can't be too small. Also, when people point to the Oakland A's as an example of a team that did a lot with a low payroll, they don't mention that most of those players were under their minor league contracts at the time, and once they were eligible for free agency, they were gone. The economics of baseball are so screwed up that if you can't shell out $150 million, you need to make perfect moves to have any chance of competing. That means scouting the right players at all levels, and signing the right free agents that become productive. In the other sports, there is some margin of error allowed, because everyone is on a level playing field. In baseball, however, most teams start behind the 8-ball, and getting out of the situation is nearly impossible.

2. Steroids. The new drug testing thing is a joke, as there are countless ways to cheat it, and countless substances you can use that cannot be detected in a test. The absurd amount of home runs hit in the past decade cannot just be the result of bad pitching or juiced balls (heh heh, balls). It's obvious these players are doing something bad, but since the homers put asses in seats, the powers that be just sat there and counted their money. Now, as some players (Ken Caminitti) are dying from the effects, and as Congress is stepping in and asking "what the fuck?", they are finally doing something, but it seems to only be smoke and mirrors.

3. The Players Union. The strongest labor union in the country. Can you think of another industry where the employees can name their pay and get it no questions asked? They are the main reason baseball is so out of whack. They refuse to accept a salary cap that would create some sense of equality and benefit the entire league, instead wanting to make as much money as they can, team loyalty and purity of the game be damned. Sure, some owners are just as responsible for actually paying that much, but in most instances they don't have a choice. Kip Wells was awarded over $4 million in an arbitration hearing after leading the majors in losses last year with 18. The Pirates were also forced to overspend on several veterans, such as Jeromy Burnitz and Joe Randa, just to give people the appearance that they were trying to win. Until the less-fortunate owners decide they've had enough and start a financial war, exoect to see more big contracts from the Yankees and Red Sox for both deserving and undeserving players.

4. New York and Boston. When Ben Roethlisberger was drafted by the Steelers, it was a big deal because he was going to a marquee team in a big city. When Sydney Crosby was drafted by the Penguins, journalists from New York hailed the move as a great one for the sport of hockey, since a talented young player was going to a team and city that needed one. It was for the good of the league. So what's so different about the Pittsburgh in which the Pirates play that Major League Baseball does not want to see or care to see their success? The answer is that Pittsburgh is not New York or Boston. For some strange reason, those are the only cities they care about. Watch ESPN at any time and chances are they are analyzing the Yankees' and Red Sox every move. I understand that they are the big markets and have mass appeal, but other teams deserve some attention too. If baseball were to do something to help out the bad franchises (what I don't know, I'm open to suggestions), imagine how much better the sport would be. The Pirates are a prime example. The franchise goes back way before the Yanks and Sox, and they have a history that is just as legendary and prestigious as either one. But no one knows about it anymore because they have been brutalized by poor ownership and bad economics. Now, imagine if baseball were to do something to level the playing field, and suddenly the Pirates were contenders. With all the displaced Pittsburghers around the country (watch a Steeler away game and you'll see), their popularity would skyrocket, and baseball would improve. The big money teams will always get the ratings and the fans, even if some of their power and success were taken away. Adding the rest of the league to that equation would do nothing but good.

5. Bud Selig. Most, if not all, of baseball's problems can be traced back to this goof. He couldn't even get his own franchise, the Milwaukee Brewers, any love, as they had their first non-losing season since 1992 last year. He always tries to say that the game is in a golden age and everything is fair, but even he knows that's a bunch of crap. He knows he's screwed things up with the economics and the steroids (and the 2002 All-Star Game, and pretty much everything else he's done), but as long as fans come out in huge numbers, he can fuck up all the way to the bank. Even if he were to try to do something, he would just get shot down by Donald Fehr and the players union. They control him to the point he might as well change his name to Kermit. If anything is to ever get better in baseball, this coward needs to be removed from office first. Baseball needs a new commissioner, one who realizes the sport is screwed up and will do anything to fix it, regardless of what the players union thinks.

I'm tired of talking about baseball. It's become a joke. I can't watch the Pirates on TV anymore because they are so bad, and I refuse to go to a game and give that ownership any of my money. A long time ago watching and playing it used to be a favorite hobby for kids, but it has been long replaced by football, basketball, golf, and a number of other things. Why? Because the men you see in the pros, the ones that are supposed to be the role models, have destroyed the game. Good job guys. Here's $20 million more.

Coming next week: My NFL analysis, and maybe a recap of the Pirates season. GO STEELERS.

The NBA...Simply Cause I Have Nothing Better to Do

I really need a new hobby, but for now, here's 5 good and bad things about the NBA.

WHAT'S RIGHT

1. New Labor Agreement. Never a bad thing when you avoid a work stoppage that would result in fans losing interest.

2. New Minimum Age. I never liked the idea of people going straight from high school to the pros because of the huge risk involved in it. For every Kevin Garnett or Kobe Bryant, there's 20 other 18 year olds that don't get drafted and, since most can't afford to go to college, now work at the local Baskin Robbins. Having a minimum age of 19 will give some of these people an opportunity to get at least some education while improving both their game and the college game as a whole.

3. David Stern. Like him or not, he's been busting his ass off to keep this league thriving. He's not like Bud Selig, who only cares about the success of a select few. Stern knows that each franchise, no matter how good or how profitable they are, plays an integral part in the success of the league. He also knows about the tarnished image of the players and has been trying to improve it (see the dress code he created). Despite some of the league's shortcomings, I think Stern has done a great job.

4. Appeal to the Youth. Because of the small amount of space and equipment needed to play, and the ability to practice it by yourself, basketball has become the favorite sport of America's youngsters. They give the NBA ratings and tons of revenue through merchandise sales. It is definitely a sport that will not lose it's youth appeal any time soon.

5. LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. They are very young and they are extremely talented, but most of all, they have good character. In a league whose players do not have the greatest of reputation, having two megastar players like that can go a long way in improving its image.

I guess a 6th good thing is that Ben Wallace just signed with my Bulls, but I'll digress.

WHAT'S WRONG

1. The Image. Of course, not every player in the NBA is a thug or has several kids to several women, but there are some bad apples. In the cases of Shawn Kemp in the 90s, and Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest now, these bad apples also happen to be among the best players in the league, and thus very prominent figures. When championship caliber players get in trouble, and other stars are enjoy showing their massive egos in public, the whole league suffers.

2. Shooting? Thanks to SportsCenter and the constant barrage of sports highlights on the news, fundamental play has been replaced by flash and pizzazz. Scoring has declined because instead of running plays and setting up good shots, players now try to do fancy moves and crazy dunks, and they miss a lot more often. Which kinda leads to my next point...

3. Individualism. It's been about two weeks (or one week...I don't know) since the Heat won the NBA title, and except for Shaq and Wade, I can't name another starter on that team. Meanwhile, I can name just about the entire rosters for the Celtics and Lakers of the 80s and the Bulls of the 90s. The reason is, back then those teams were really teams and not just one or two star players with scrubs feeding off them (okay, the Bulls were kinda like that, but at least they had three or four legit good players in the early 90s). You can blame the expansion or the desire to be on TV all the time, but it seems as though recently teamwork has been replaced with a hot player that carries everyone else.

4. Bill Walton Announcing Games on ESPN. Watch one game he's on and you'll understand. "And yes, my hair is on fire!"

5. Hey Where All the White Men At? Not to sound racist, but the league needs more white American players in it. Larry Bird said as much a couple years ago and got a lot of shit for it, but unfortunately is is somewhat right. Only 20% of its players are white, and many of them are European. Sure, we can't jump and look ridiculous with headbands on, but sadly our society is still racist, and many people in the paying public (and by that I mean corporate sponsors and luxury box buyers) are white. Because of their prejudices and the negative image the league has, their desire to watch and/or patronize the NBA is very small. There are signs that the minority executive presence is improving, but maybe not at the rate at which white America is losing interest. Since we lost baseball to the Latins, golf to Tiger Woods, and really don't give a damn about hockey, tennis, bowling, and the like, I say we grab a ball and head down to Memorial Park.

NEXT WEEK: Major League Baseball. That could be a long one.