The Irish Buckeye

A Visit from Beyond...

2006-11-16T18:36:00.000-05:00

It's 2:30 on Saturday, an hour before the kickoff of what may be the biggest college football game ever. Number 1 Ohio State vs. Number 2 Michigan. The Buckeye players sit in the locker room, eagerly awaiting the arrival of head coach Jim Tressel for his pregame speech. Surely he'll have something special to say, they think. After all, this was the man who in his first public appearance as head coach promised the crowd at an OSU basketball game that they would be proud of the football team in 310 days in Ann Arbor.

Tressel and the rest of the coaching staff walk in, but instead of standing up front, they all take seats with the players. As they look around wondering what is going on, a shadowy figure emerges. It does not take long for everyone to realize who it is. The hat, the red shirt, the glasses, they're all dead giveaways. It's Woody, and he's come to give the boys a pep talk.

"Men, in a little less than an hour from now, you will be taking part in history. You will be participating in the biggest sporting rivalry our great nation has to offer. For some of you, this will be your last time playing this game, and for others, your first. But no matter how many times you have been involved in this battle, I sincerely hope your hatred for that state up north is as strong as it's ever been.

"Now I'm sure most if not all of you heard the story of this great rivalry before, but since I'm a great admirer of history, I'll tell it to you again. The animosity first began in the 1830s, when both Ohio and Michigan laid claim to the Toledo area. Since Ohio was a state and had voting power, while Michigan was still only a territory, the government gave the land to Ohio, just as militias were preparing for a war.

"The football games began in 1897, and in the early years, Michigan kicked our asses. Once I was hired, though, I made it a point to never let that happen. In my first eighteen seasons I won twelve times, and in many of those games the Big Ten and national championships were on the line for one and or the other. Then, there was the Ten Year War against my friend and former assistant Bo Schembechler. I went 5-4-1 against him, but managed to share the Big Ten title with him six times.

"In the decade after I left the series was virtually even, but that changed when John Cooper came along. As great of a coach as he was, he could not beat Michigan, and that is why he is not in this room right now. He had some fantastic teams, top five several times, but he only won the game twice, costing him at least two national titles. This man you have now, Mr. Tressel, now he's the right man for this game. That thing he said at the basketball game when he was hired? I was watching from up there, and I loved it.

"But enough about history. Today is your history. For the first time ever Michigan and The Ohio State are entering their game in the top two spots in the rankings, with the winner going on to the national championship game. If that doesn't make you want to go out there and kill this team, then you don't deserve to put on shoulder pads. This is the biggest game ever in the biggest rivalry ever. The hell with those flashy southern teams and the ones out west. The best goddamn football is right here in the Big Ten, the best game of the season is happening right here, and the best fucking team in the country is right here in this room!

"Men, this is more than a football game; this is war. This is the resumption of that battle 160 years ago, when people from Michigan thought they could come in to our turf and claim it as their own. You have been chosen to defend your land, no matter what the cost. You are playing this game for your state, for your classmates, your families, your friends, Ohio State alumni, and anyone who has ever put on the Scarlet and Gray, whether it was to play for us or cheer for us on a Saturday afternoon. Rose Bowls and national titles are all well and good, but what matters most is beating Michigan. You can lose every game by 100 points, but if you win this game, people will be happy, and the season will be a success.

"I said a little while ago that you guys were making your own history today, and you really are. This is not like any other game in this rivalry, or in the entire history of college football. I coached some of these games where both teams were unbeaten, but never when it was 1 versus 2. But you guys, you are now living that dream, and I hope you appreciate it. Years from now you will be able to tell your children and grandchildren that you participated in one of the greatest moments in sporting history: The Ohio State-Michigan game.

"And men, I sincerely hope you can add to that phrase...'AND WE WON!'"

Time For a Change?

2006-11-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

"No organization is stronger than the quality of its leadership, or ever extends its constituency far beyond the degree to which its leadership is representative." - Edgar Powell

Before I get into this week's piece, I'd like to preface it with a little disclaimer. I am, and always have been, a big Steeler fan. I'm not one of the bandwagon folks that have only started liking them in the past couple years. I was there in 1992 when Barry Foster ran for 190 yards against the Jets. I saw Randy Fuller break up Jim Harbaugh's Hail Mary in the '95 AFC Championship. I was also there in '99 when the expansion Browns beat the Steelers, and later that year when our boys beat the Panthers in blinding snow in an absolutely meaningless game for either team. I know that Courtney Hawkins owns the team record for catches in a game. Yes, unlike most of the recent casual fans, I can name Steeler receivers other than Hines Ward. I didn't buy a jersey or Terrible Towel because it would make me look cool. By the same token, I think those pink Steeler jerseys are an abomination, and anyone wearing them should be slapped silly. Now, on with the show...

I have always been a Bill Cowher fan, and anytime KDKA or those other channels would interview some drunk buffoon in a restaurant after a loss and that person would say, "Duh, they should fire Cowher cause he stinks and they lost and I have no idea what I'm talking about," I would get pissed. People around here have such ridiculously high expectations, and they really don't know how lucky we are to have Cowher as a coach. In fourteen years, they have only missed the playoffs four times. He's the longest-tenured coach in the league, and since his hiring in 1992 there have been about a zillion coaching changes in the NFL. Through it all, we've had Cowher, and the Steeler organization is much better off for it.

However, things have become much different this year, and the future of the team is up in the air. After winning the Super Bowl last year, the Steelers are 2-5 this year, with the most recent loss occurring this past Sunday at the hands of the hilariously awful Oakland Raiders. Despite only getting 98 yards of offense, the Raiders beat the Steelers, 20-13, thanks to two Ben Roethlisberger interceptions that were returned for touchdowns. As bad as the Raiders looked, the Steelers were worse, looking confused and at times like they just didn't give a damn.

If the ho-hum performance of the team wasn't bad enough, Cowher's reaction on the field and with the media has been even more troubling. The young Cowher of the early 90s was not afraid to snap at a player on the sideline, showering him with spit. It didn't matter who it was, from the rookie to the superstar to the veteran that was only a couple years younger than Cowher was; if you messed up you would hear about it, and it wouldn't be pretty. The Steelers of that era were disciplined, successful, and they knew who ran the team: Bill freaking Cowher.

Fast forward to the past couple years. Fumbles, interceptions, and blown coverages are no longer followed by an explosion on the part of Cowher, but rather a shot of him standing on the sideline, arms folded, shaking his head. Remember that press conference in 1998 after a loss to the Titans when Cowher forced Ed Bouchette to ask him if he was going to bench Kordell just so he could yell "NO!"? That's now replaced by a calm, quiet, "We tried. We left it all out on the field. We now have to concentrate on the next game. (Insert coaching cliche here)." Maybe it's maturity, or maybe it's the wear and tear of 15 years of being the head coach for the same team, but the fire and intensity that once endeared Cowher to both players and fans are gone.

Now, I don't claim to be an expert on coaching styles. I don't know if yelling and throwing stuff really makes a difference when it comes to a team's performance, but it's obvious that Cowher has lost touch with his team. A few weeks ago, Willie Parker, Verron Haynes, and Mike Logan committed moronic unsportsmanlike conduct penalties in a loss to the Bengals. After the game Cowher assured the press that such a thing would never happen again. Last week against the Falcons, Hines Ward decided to join Nate Washington's touchdown dance troupe. Since the NFL banned multi-player celebrations this past offseason, this little ballet led to another unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. In essence, Ward was completely disobeying his coach's edict, and since he's the top receiver and a media darling, there isn't much Cowher can do about it.

This lack of discipline has even spread to the management. After that Falcons game, Dan Rooney earned himself a $25,000 fine by calling the false start penalty on Washington "ridiculous", and basically whining like a kid that didn't get his way. I don't know what he was trying to accomplish by doing this, but unless it was to make himself look stupid and not like the well-respected figure in the NFL that he is, it didn't work.

So what needs to be done? Does Cowher need to find that old spark he had in 1992, or should he just give up, retire, and move to North Carolina like everyone is predicting? Does Rooney need to step in and either put a foot in Cowher's ass or give him the boot? And what about the players? They certainly deserve some of the blame for this mess, but how much? After all, we deify them to the point that their egos have to swell no matter how humble they may be. When you are treated like you can do no wrong, eventually you start to believe it, and you act accordingly. Perhaps a bad season is what they need. The fairweather fans will disappear and less attention will be showered upon them. Then maybe they'll realize they're making money to play football and win, not dance around or taunt or appear on commercials.

Until something changes, expect the fall of the empire to continue, especially this weekend against Denver.

Pitt Ain't It...Yet

2006-10-23T20:52:00.000-04:00

It started in 2002, when West Virginia came to town with a Gator Bowl berth on the line. In front of a raucous crowd, the Mountaineers were the ones doing the gator chomp after a 24-17 win.

A year later, the fifth-largest crowd in Pitt history watched Julius Jones gain a school-record 262 yards, and Notre Dame killed the last 9:14 of a prime-time, nationally televised game to win, 20-14

Two months after that, a strong but beatable Miami team came to Heinz Field. On a bitter cold November night, with the Big East title and a BCS berth on the line, the Hurricanes from beautiful, sunny Florida humiliated the Panthers, 28-14.

They had a chance to legitimize the weakened Big East in the Fiesta Bowl the following year, but were stomped by mid-major Utah.

In 2005, a record crowd of 66,451, not to mention millions more at home, witnessed the Dave Wannstedt era begin with a gruesome 42-21 loss to Notre Dame that featured the Irish piling up 275 rushing yards.

And in the past two months, we have seen the only two legitimately good teams Pitt has played so far (Michigan State and Rutgers) come into the world's yellowest stadium and run all over them like Bo Jackson did to the Oilers in Tecmo Super Bowl.

Pitt just can't win a big game, especially at home, and we should be used to it by now. Sure, they have made tremendous strides since that magical 1996 season highlighted by a 72-0 loss to THE Ohio State, but they seem to have reached a plateau of mediocrity, and this past week's loss to the Scarlet Knights has only emphasized that.

How do you not show up for a game like this? National TV against an undefeated and ranked team. Homecoming weekend that meant more people in the stands than normal, and yet it seemed as though those fans had more enthusiasm than the players. The offensive and defensive lines were pushed around as though they were high school freshmen. Tyler Palko barely had any time to get a decent pass off, and Rutgers running back Ray Rice shredded the Pitt defense for 225 yards, eerily similar to the way Michigan State gained 353 yards on the ground in Pitt's other loss.

All these rushing yards add up to one thing: Pitt really isn't that good.

Sure, you can mention all their successes since Walt Harris took over in 1997, but taking a closer look at them reveals those sucesses are very gilded. The bowl games? Mostly insignificant ones considering just about everyone goes to a bowl now, and the only time Pitt played in a major bowl, they proved to be not the team that won the Big East title, but rather the team that didn't lose the Big East title. The big wins against Virginia Tech? Va. Tech might be the most overrated program in the nation. Every year they started out 7-0, and every year they were lucky to finish 8-3. They are bigger chokers in big games than the Buffalo Bills. And what about Pitt's 6-2 record this year? Those six wins came against some very lousy teams, including I-AA doormat The Citadel. There's nothing impressive about a blowout win when you were supposed to kill them in the first place.

This trend is only going to get worse in the next month, too. Games at home against Louisville and West Virginia, both undefeated, top ten teams with high-powered offenses, have the potential to be slaughters. WVU's quarterback is running for 200 yards a game now, for Christ's sake. Pitt's inability to stop a talented running game could reach new lows against the Mountaineers.

But while this regular season could end with two more losses in the next four games, there is hope on the horizon. Unlike Walt Harris, who viewed Pitt as an average-at-best program and said as much after blowing their numerous chances, Dave Wannstedt remembers when Pitt was the premier program in the east if not the nation. He had made it his mission to put them back at the top, and he seems to be building a solid foundation for it. His recruiting class for 2007 will be among the best in the nation, and Pitt is still high on the lists of LeSean McCoy and Toney Clemons. While Clemons seems to be leaning towards Michigan, McCoy may like Pitt a lot more after the debacle involving Miami last weekend.

However, none of this will matter if two things are not solved. The lines are atrocious and need lots of improvement. Whoever next year's starting QB will be, he will need added protection, and the defensive line is too small and too soft to even think about stopping a better running back.

The second thing that needs fixed is their awful record in big games at home, along with the equally awful fan support. While it theoretically isn't their stadium, it is still Pittsburgh, and other teams coming in there and walking all over the Panthers is inexcusable. So is not selling out a big game against a ranked opponent when your own team is playing well. The Steelers aren't playing on Saturdays, and tickets are not that expensive. Hell, Penn State plays two or three pee-wee teams at home every year, and they manage to draw 110,000 retards for those blowouts. Why can't we get 60,000 for the same thing? If people want Pitt to return to real prominence, they (me included) should come out and show the players, both current and potential, that they deserve to be a big time program.

The 2006 Pittsburgh Pirates: They Didn't.

2006-10-03T19:03:00.000-04:00

In one sense I am thrilled that Freddy Sanchez has won the 2006 NL batting title. It has given the fans in Pittsburgh something to be happy about in the midst of this fourteen year hell.

But on the other hand, this remarkable accomplishment has given the Buccos' management more leverage in fooling the public into buying tickets for '07. They'll use this to show that all is not lost with the team, and fans should come out to PNC Park just in case something big happens.

The Pirates' 2006 season started with an appalling seven straight losses, effectively eliminating them from any kind of contention before Easter. Things continued to fall apart after that, as an embarassing 9-27 record in one-run games led to a 30-60 record at the All-Star break. While things improved and the Pirates went 37-35 after the break, they still finished with a 67-95 record, identical to their 2005 mark. Even with this improved play, the team still wasn't very good, and all indications are that they might not be much better next year. Here's a breakdown of each position, as well as the coaching and front office.

Catcher: Humberto Cota was the starting catcher on opening day, and that was about the highlight of his season. His .190 average was the lowest among all players with at least 100 at-bats, and when you combine that with zero home runs and five RBI, you have a player that will not be a Pirate in 2007. Ryan Doumit was pegged as the backup/starter of the future, but after some struggles at the plate, a lengthy injury, and an attempt to turn him into a first baseman and outfielder, his future at catcher seems to be in a reserve role at best.

Doumit's injury paved the way for rookie Ronny Paulino to come in and become only the second catcher in the last 37 seasons to hit .310 or better (the other being Mike Piazza; that's good company). While his fielding is a little shaky, he is still young and can improve. If and when he does, he could become one of the premier catchers in baseball.

First Base: Sean Casey was acquired in the offseason to provide veteran leadership, a steady bat, and probably a cheap marketing ploy as he is from the Pittsburgh area. However, he failed to produce, due in large part to missing six weeks with a broken back, and was sent to Detroit at the trading deadline. No real replacement was found, as Doumit, Joe Randa, Jose Hernandez, and Xavier Nady (acquired at the deadline) all spent time at first, with none of them being very impressive. Hernandez was one of the worst hitters in recent memory and was traded in August and Randa will not be back in '07 (more on him later), leaving Doumit, Nady, or an offseason pickup as the options. Doumit never played first until this year, and it showed, so unless he improves drastically at the plate and especially with the glove, the job will not be his. Nady hit well when he first came to the Burgh, but tailed off in September, only hitting .319. While his fielding is much better than Doumit's, his hitting needs work. Maybe this is where the Pirates can get a power hitting lefty?

Second Base: Jose Castillo entered the season needing to use his enormous potential a lot more consistently. After blowing up in May with six home runs in the final five games of the month, he hit only three more the rest of the year while batting .219. He finished with a relatively disappointing .253 average, but that is only part of the story. He made way too many mental errors both in the field and while running the bases. Perhaps his lowest point came in a game in July, when he got caught in a rundown twice...on two straight pitches. Getting in one is bad enough, but getting in another one ten seconds later is inexcusable, and things like that may cost him his job. His future with the team is uncertain, as they might try to put Freddy Sanchez there, in which case Castillo will probably be traded.

Shortstop: Jack Wilson bulked up in the offseason, and now he needs to trim a few pounds. He finished with a .273 average, up from .257 in '05, but still way lower than his .308 in 2004. He committed an uncharacteristic 18 errors, fifth most in the NL at the position. I'm guessing (hoping) the weight gain was the cause of this, and by losing 10-15 pounds he can get his form back. He was a fixture in the second spot of the batting order in '06, and I see no reason he won't be there next year.

Third Base: Joe Randa was brought back to Pittsburgh after nearly a decade of productive hitting in Kansas City and a couple other places to fill the glaring need at third. He was awful at the start of the season, and then got hurt and had to miss a long period of time. Enter the Dirty One...Freddy Sanchez. Considered at the start of the year to be nothing more than a bench warming utility infielder, all Sanchez did was hit...and hit, and hit, and hit. By July he was leading the league in hitting, but Dave Littlefield still insisted Randa was the man at third. After a couple more multi-hit games for Sanchez, Littlefield changed his stance, and Randa became the bench warming utility infielder. Sanchez finished the year with a .344 average, becoming the first Pirate batting champ since Bill Madlock in 1983. To make matters better, Freddy's defense was phenomenal, leaving absolutely no doubt in anyone's minds as to his ability to play. In 2007, Sanchez will either be back at third, or take Castillo's place at second. If the latter happens, look for Jose Bautista to possibly replace him. Or maybe Aramis Ramirez, if he becomes a free agent?

Right Field: Jeromy Burnitz was signed and overpaid to be the left handed, power hitting right fielder. While he did manage to hit 16 home runs, he didn't hit much else, and was in no way worth the $6 million he was paid. He was eventually benched in favor of a platoon of Doumit, Bautista, and Nady. Burnitz will not be back, and who plays in right in 2007 depends on where everyone else plays and who the Pirates acquire in the offseason.

Center Field: Chris Duffy, after an impressive showing late in 2005, was the starting CF and leadoff hitter at the beginning of the season. Manager Jim Tracy tweaked with his hitting style, and the results were disastrous. After batting .194 in the first month or so, he was sent to the minors, only he refused to go and left baseball completely for a couple weeks. He eventually came back, and after dominating in the minors, made it back to Pittsburgh, where he hit .315 and finished with a .255 average, which is pretty good considering what had happened. Even more encouraging was his base stealing, as he caught 26 bases on 27 attempts. While Doumit was in exile/the minors, Jose Bautista and Nate McLouth shared duties in center until McLouth was injured. It seems as though Duffy may have earned the starting job back, with McLouth as a very capable reserve. Waiting in the wings, however, is Andrew McCutcheon. He's still very young and will start the season in AA Altoona, but he is a potential five-tool player, and he could be a monster when he gets to the majors.

Left Field: Jason Bay is the Pirates' left fielder; no doubt about it. He had another solid season, hitting a career high 35 homers and driving in 109 runs, also a personal best. He even got to start the All-Star Game in his home stadium, thanks to a huge marketing campaign. That being said, he is still not an elite player, and that is due to his horrible clutch hitting. His average with runners in scoring position was a weak .242, hardly acceptable for a player of his caliber. Countless times he could have broken a game open or kept the Pirates alive with a timely hit, and countless times he disappointed. If he can keep the same power numbers while improving on his hitting in tight situations, Bay will become a household name, and the Pirates will win a lot more games.

Starting Pitching: Way too much youth here. Oliver Perez came into the season as the most experienced starter on the Pirates' staff, and he did not set a good example. He never regained his 2004 form, and in fact he got progressively worse until he was traded to the Mets. Kip Wells missed a large part of the season because of a shoulder problem, and when he did come back he stunk and was also sent away. Zach Duke and Paul Maholm didn't match their insane 2005 numbers, but no one expected them to. They took some bad lumps this year, and we can only hope that it was a learning experience and they will be better in '07. Tom Gorzelanny came up from Indy for the last few months, and was solid if unspectacular. Victor Santos was garbage, and I don't understand why we even got him. He didn't pitch the last four weeks of the season, and he will not be back next year. Shawn Chacon was acquired in a trade with the Yankees, and was also pretty bad, and hopefully will also not be back. The brightest spot was by far Ian Snell, who went 14-11 and had a strikeout rate of 8.2 per nine innings. If he give up fewer home runs, he'll be an ace for years to come.

Relief Pitching: Mike Gonzalez converted all of his save opportunities before getting injured and missing the last six weeks of the season. He has firmly entrenched himself as the Bucs' closer. When he got hurt, Salomon Torres took over for him and got 12 saves in 13 chances. Torres also tied Kent Tekulve's franchise record with 94 pitching appearances. John Grabow also had a strong year, while Damaso Marte didn't. It seemed like every time Marte came into a close game, you saw an L next his name in the box score. He did not impress me, and will in all likelihood not be back next year. Twenty-two year old Matt Capps, who before this year didn't get above A ball, was a surprising addition to the roster, and was remarkable all year. He pitched in 83 games, one shy of the rookie record, and walked only twelve batters, five of which were intentional. While he tailed off late in the year due to fatigue, this hard throwing righty will be a fixture in the Pirates bullpen for many years. In 2007 look for men such as Shane Youman, Jonah Bayliss, and Josh Sharpless to compete for the open spots in the Pirates' pen.

Coaching: Pitching coach Jim Colborn tried to change the young starters' mechanics in spring training, and the results were less than pleasant. But overall, the new coaching staff, led by manager Jim Tracy, did a respectable job. The biggest problem I had with Tracy was his unwillingness to criticize veterans and accept blame when the Pirates lost, and his willingness to criticize young players and accept credit when the Pirates won. He never lost his players, though, and while I would like to see more fire and intensity instead of the usual calm and cliched manager quotes, I like what he has done with this team and hope he improves them even more next year.

Management: Dave Littlefield is an idiot. Plain and simple. He was given more money to work with, and spent $16 million on Casey, Burnitz, Randa, and Jose "Human Windmill" Hernandez. His attempts to justify the moves he has made have had the tone of "well, we're a crappy team and we can't get any better". Other teams with similar payrolls have had some amount of success, while the Pirates keep signing has beens and trading young stars for career minor leaguers. With the short right field porch at PNC Park, the fact that there hasn't been a legit power hitting lefty since Brian Giles is inexcusable. Littlefield got us Bay and (by some bizarre stroke of luck) Freddy, but the bad moves he has made far outweigh the good ones. However much money he has to spend on the 2007 team, he needs to spend it right, or he should be looking for a new job a year from now.

Ownership: G. Ogden Nutting and his son, the majority owners of the Pirates, never come out in public. You never see them at a game, you never see them at a press conference, and you probably never will. They're too busy counting the money you foolish fans give them to watch fireworks and collect bobbleheads. All the while, they send Kevin McClatchy, who is the Pirates president but NOT the guy making the business decisions, out there to get slaughtered by the fans and media. While the ownership did up the payroll for 2006, they are still light years behind other franchises, and if the estimates on their annual profits are correct, they can definitely afford to spend more. But then again, if you were making $20 million a year tricking the public into buying a crap product, what incentive would you have to invest more money?

Outlook for 2007: Folks, do not be fooled by this recent surge and improved play. Even though the Pirates played above .500 after the All-Star break, they were still outscored by a significant amount, and showed virtually now power. Most of the players on the roster now would be lucky to ride the bench for a team like the Yankees or Mets. Even with one or two significant additions, this still isn't a powerhouse team.

That being said, there are still spots that need filled immediately. The Pirates need a lefty power hitter desperately, as they are letting that stadium go to waste without one. Likewise, they need a good veteran (not old, just a veteran) right handed starting pitcher to complement the young lefties they have now. Those are the urgent needs at the major league level, but the problems are throughout each level of the organization. With the exception of McCutcheon, there are no real prospects in the Pirates' minor league system. The AAA team is made of 30 year old journeymen, the AA team is older than the Marlins, and the lower classes are years away, if there is any talent there at all. Other teams have invested millions into Asia and Latin America, while the most Latin investment the Pirates have made recently has been Raul Mondesi and Benito Santiago. They need to start signing and developing some of those young Dominican and Puerto Rican kids (especially in Puerto Rico, where the "Clemente played for us" sales pitch still has to have some merit), and also start competing for the Japanese and Korean stars looking to ply their trade with the big boys.

I can't even begin to speculate what the roster and lineup will look like for 2007. There are too many variables on the roster now and many more that could be on the roster by spring training. One thing is for sure: it doesn't look like the team will improve much next year, but that might not matter. Next year will mark the 10th anniversary of the 97 "Why Not Us" Pirates finishing only four games behind the division champ Astros in the NL Comedy Central. It looks as though the division is headed for another down year, as every team tumbled the last two months of the season. Maybe it won't take much to compete for the title, which will be a good thing, since the Pirates probably won't have much.

Red, White, and Blow

2006-09-26T18:59:00.000-04:00

In 1980, the United States hockey team was made up of unknown college players, and were given no chance to do anything in the Winter Olympics. They pulled off some upsets, and made it to the semifinals where they faced a Soviet Squad that may have been the most talented hockey team ever assembled (seriously, they destroyed a team of NHL all-stars that year). But all that talent couldn't counteract the Americans' heart, and that scrappy group of youngsters beat the commies, and went on to win the gold medal.

In 1992, the USA organized a basketball team that is arguably the greatest squad ever put together for any sport. These guys were so good they could have won gold in other sports too. Every game was an execution, as Jordan, Bird, Magic, Barkley, and company won the gold with absurd ease.

Two years later, on their own soil, the American soccer team made it to the medal round of the World Cup. While they lost their first game, it was farther than they had gone in decades, and many thought this would signal the emergence of the U.S. as a soccer power.

The 1999 Ryder Cup will always be remembered for the miraculous comeback the Americans made on the final day. Justin Leonard's 45-foot putt on the 17th is etched into the memory of every golf fan in America.

In 2000, our baseball team, made up of unknown minor league players, shocked the world and defeated Cuba to win the gold medal. Along with the World Cup and Ryder Cup teams, this baseball team refused to lose, and it paid off.

The most heart, the most talent, and the strongest winning attitude. It's a shame none of our national teams have any of these traits now.

In the past six or seven years, we have seen the free fall of American teams in international competition. Consider the following:

The U.S. hockey team lost the gold medal game to Canada in 2002, and at this years games in Turin, they finished a disappointing 8th. The team was inexperienced and largely outmatched against stronger European teams.
The U.S. baseball team failed to qualify for the 2004 Summer Olympics...even though we invented the sport and are home to what is by far the best professional baseball system in the world. This past spring they failed to get out of the second round of pool play in the first ever World Baseball Classic.
Our soccer team tanked in the 1998 World Cup, finishing 32nd out of 32 teams. After an amazing march to the 2002 quarterfinals, expectations were high for us in Germany this past summer. They stumbled, big time, and failed to get out of group play.
After winning the basketball gold in Sydney in 2000, the U.S. blew up and finished a pathetic 6th at the 2002 world championships. This was followed by a weak bronze medal performance at the Athens games in '04, lowlighted by a 92-73 loss to Puerto Rico in the first game (isn't Puerto Rico a U.S. territory? Why aren't they playing for us?). And just a few weeks ago, this year's allegedly improved team lost to Greece (featuring a black player...I don't get it) in the semis and had to settle for another bronze.
After alternating victories with Europe for decades, the U.S. has been stomped the past three Ryder Cups, including record margins of defeat in the past two.

I could mention others, such as a Swiss man and Russian woman winning our tennis titles, but I think you get a point. When it comes to international competition, America isn't at the top anymore. Hell, in some instances they aren't even close. Is it the heart, the talent, the will to win, or something else? Let's take a look.

Talent. Definitely not talent. Maybe in soccer and hockey, two sports that are bigger in other parts of the world, we can say that our teams are not the most talented. However, in the cases of baseball, basketball, and golf, we're still the best...at least on paper. The baseball team for the WBC featured five certain Hall of Famers and several rising stars. Many of the countries that went further than the U.S. have baseball teams thanks to the U.S. and their development programs. It seems as though we've forgotten about development of our own boys.

In basketball, we are still head and shoulders above every other country in terms of pure talent. I'll take any of America's five best players over anyone else on the planet in a game of one on one. Hell, the original Dream Team could probably still win a medal, and they're all in their 40s. Watch the NBA today, and you'll see that the likes of LeBron James, Carmello Anthony, and Kobe Bryant can run circles around the best the world has to offer. And Shaq can still knock any other player on his ass. Sure, other nations have improved dramatically, but I still don't think they're at our level yet.

Golf is a bit of a perplexing subject, as there are many variables that contribute to a player's performance. The course, the weather, and a bunch of other things could wreak havoc on one player, but be a blessing for another. That being said, we still got the big guns. This year's Ryder Cup team featured Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, and Jim Furyk. You can see their names in the world rankings at nos. 1, 2, and 3, respectively. The rest of the squad was solid if unspectacular, and certainly should have played better than the lopsided score indicates. The European team was also strong, but in no way outmatched the U.S.

So it's not talent, but what about...

Will to win. We Americans are vain people. We always want to look good in everything we do, and getting your ass whooped on a global stage does not lead to a nice image. I don't think the athletes' desire to win has diminished despite all the media hype and external distractions, but I do think that other nations' improving programs has led to more confidence and with it a stronger will to win. Americans still get pissed at losing, and I don't think they like it any more than they used to, but that feeling seems to have been surpassed by that of other nations.

That leaves only one thing...

Heart. You want to know why we can't win anything anymore? It's simple: we've gotten too cocky, and now we expect to win without putting in the effort. With the exception of the World Cup and Ryder Cup, our world championship and Olympic teams consist primarily of players who are taking the place of the coaches' first options. All too often we see guys drop out for BS reasons. Some are tired (you can't squeeze in six or seven more games?), some want to spend time with their families (take them with you. It's called a vacation), and the one that bothers me the most...they don't like the coach or the other selections for the team. Give me a break. These players were chosen because they were the best of the best, and if your friend isn't on the team, too bad. Soldiers don't get to pick who they are in a trench with during a war, and it's not up to you to make the roster you want.

Injuries are a valid excuse to an extent. If it's something serious, then by all means don't play. But if it's a little bump or bruise, grow a set and get on the team. Mario Lemieux missed a lot of games in the 01-02 season due to injury, but he mustered up the strength to represent his country in the '02 games, and led them to the gold. You see soccer players refuse to sit out games because they want to play for their country so bad. If national pride isn't enough to make you want to play, then move to Luxembourg.

Another thing I want to touch on that is sorta related to heart is the concept of teamwork. In 2002 and 2004, our basketball teams were loaded with great individual players, but when it came to working together as a team, all hell broke loose, and the results were not pretty. That is something that has been improved on this past summer, but still needs work. These guys need more than a week or so together in order to get to know each other and get their shit together on the court.

It's a wonder other countries still hate us. You'd think they would love beating us in just about every sport. I think it's about time we return the favor and show them who's still the king.

Anatomy of the Worst Day of Football... Ever... The Worst

2006-09-22T09:09:00.001-04:00

by Kamo

(Author's note: While some college students consider Thursday to officially start the weekend, I am considering the weekend to be a Saturday through Sunday thing because everyone knows real college teams only play on Saturday. In addition, I did attend the WVU-Maryland game last Thursday but it was more for drinking and things of that nature than it was for football.)

Saturday, September 16th

9:37 - I get off the couch after falling asleep Friday at 7 (see: Maryland-WVU the night before) and turn on ESPN. Lou Holtz is making valid points while Mark May is being his typical moron self.

9:45 - I put in a load of laundry, go to BB&T to cash a check and then trick myself into thinking that eating a bowl of cereal is better than eating a McMuffin. Mistake number 1 for the day and a foreshadowing of the days events.

10:00 - Eating my delicous cereal (seriously, it was) I flip on College Gameday, otherwise known as the best 2 hours on TV. I dig in for what should be a long, great day of college football that, at the time, I thought would culminate in Notre Dame stomping Michigan.

10:15 - The first mention of ND - Michigan on Gameday. The announcers seem to think it will be close, but Brady can't miss and Charlie Weis would never get outfoxed by Lloyd (Manboobs) Carr.

10:45 - I am getting sick of hearing about how good Ohio State, USC, Florida, Tennessee, and Florida State are. For one, I know Ohio State and USC are good. Second, FSU is awful.

11:03 - My parents call to say they are getting close. This is important because the cereal I ate is rapidly dissolving and I want some real food.

11:30 - Parents arrive with food aplenty and plans to take me out to eat at Ruby Tuesdays, but not until the end of Gameday. For the final half hour of the show my father and I sit motionless and quiet like two men listening to a Christmas Eve Mass. We need help.

12:04 - Gameday ends and we go to eat. All I can think about is those little Mini's they advertise on TV and my stomach apparently can't get them off his mind either because he is now eating a hole through my skin.

12:45 - Mini's.

1:10 - Completion of Mini's- kind of. They were great, so great that I couldn't finish them all. And neither could my old man, which marks a first in the Kamlowsky house- Mike Jones and Kamo do not finish their plates.

2:00 - Back at the apartment watching BYU - Boston College in hopes that bin Laden will pick out his next victim in Chestnut Hill. Earl shows up (This is important later).

2:30 - No bin Laden, but BYU is making a game out of this and BC all of the sudden looks like they belong in the MAC. My dad and I smile.

3:00 - Earl decides to get beer and while I didn't plan on drinking, I figure what the hell. I was drunk for ND's first 2 games, why not make it a trifecta.

3:25 - Earl comes back with a case of beer. I drink my first beer while BYU - BC goes into OT. I love life right now.

3:30 - False advertising bastards at NBC. They say 3:30 kickoff- BULLSHIT. More like 3:47 or something like its the Super Bowl. Assholes.

3:47 - Notre Dame comes through the tunnel, sending chills all over me and a tear comes out of my eye. It is the most beautiful thing in the sports world to see those Gold helmets shining in the autumn sun. Almost as if God himself is saying, "Go ahead now boys. Play for Our Lady."

3:50 - Opening kickoff...

3:52 - Prescott Burgess picks off Brady Quinn and returns it for a TD. The beginning of the end. I chug a beer.

4:05 - Chinedum Ndukwe picks off Chad Henne and returns it to the 1. Hope springs eternal and then...

4:07 - ...Brady to Ashley McConnell, TOUCHDOWN IRISH!!! I am yelling at the TV so loud that I scare Earl and I am cursing everything that the state of Michigan stands for.

4:15 - My celebration is short lived however because the next thing I know - Chad Henne to Mario Manningham for a touchdown, "Dad, where the fuck was our cornerback?" Beer.

4:17 - Fumble on the kickoff...

4:23 - ... touchdown Michael Hart. "Dad, we're in trouble." 2 Beers.

4:30 - Chad Henne to Mario Manningham for a touchdown. "Dad... WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR CORNERBACK?" "Jason, I don't know but wherever he is- HE SUCKS!" We drink to that.

4:45 - Chad Henne to Mario Manningham for a touchdown. Michigan 34 - ND 7. "Dad, our secondary sucks ass and Brady looks like a little bitch today." Beers galore. Life is over.

5:10 - By this point I am drunk, the Irish are getting beat down like Kunta Kinte and I would rather crawl into a hole than have to watch the rest of this game.

5:35 - This is ridiculous. All of the sudden Tyrone (I'm a better golfer/liar/piece of shit than I am a football coach) Willingham has returned to coach us. No first downs in the 3rd quarter? Honestly, NO FIRST DOWNS IN THE 3RD QUARTER? What is this, Cheech and Chong come to South Bend?

5:45 - I wish they would get Brady out of there because he is going to get killed and if he does, our season, in effect, really is over.

5:48 - Tommy Z- please sucker punch Chad Henne.

5:53 - I try to decipher what needs to happen for us to get to BCS Championship Game. In this state I am having difficulty comprehending how to use my cell phone, but nevertheless I give it a try. Hmm, let's see...

6:10 - ... after over 15 minutes I have figured out that everyone needs to lose a game in the month of November except us and thats about it. My head hurts too much to think too deep into this one.

6:15 - Brady Quinn throws a nice pass to Rhema McKnight and he makes an incredible catch. The only reason I bring this up is because it was #1 on top plays on SportsCenter that night.

6:30 - Brady fumbles, Michigan returns it for a score to put the exclamation point on the game. My parents get ready to leave, I sit alone on the couch and shed a tear for our broken season.

9:00 - After seeing that Miami got destroyed, Florida State is going down in a blaze of glory, and the loser of the Florida - Tennessee game is screwed I feel a little better. The decision to go to Morgantown is made and it is the best one all day.

So, that is how the worst day of football happened. High hopes were crushed by the direct disobedience of a few. Ambrose Wooden, Terrail Lambert- you should feel shame. We still love you Charlie and Brady, but this week had better be a different story. On Wisconsin and Go Irish!

Observations, Thoughts, Etc.

2006-09-21T18:26:00.000-04:00

Some random thoughts after two weeks of pro ball and three weeks of college ball.

Ohio State is really really good. The offense, and Heisman frontrunner Troy Smith in particular, is extraordinary, and James Laurinaitis has been a monster on what has become a surprisingly fierce defense. This isn't just personal bias talking, but they're gonna kill Penn State on Saturday, and it's gonna be tough for any team in the country to beat them.
West Virginia is also pretty strong. Granted, they haven't played anyone yet, but they've looked impressive. Steve Slaton is one hell of a running back, and I would not be surprised to see them in the BCS title game.
Pitt, on the other hand, is still mediocre. Sure, they can beat up on the Citadel and other lowly teams, but they still can't compete with an above average BCS conference team. Their tackling is still awful, and until that improves expect more losses to good offensive teams.
Good thing JoePa scheduled a tough team like Youngstown State the week before playing the #1 team in the nation.
The Steelers will be fine as long as no other bizarre mishaps occur. Jacksonville's a very good team, and the Steelers had an off game. Nothing more, nothing less.
The US is screwed in the Ryder Cup.
Even if Freddy Sanchez doesn't win the batting title, the fact that he has done what he has is remarkable, and it shows how poorly Dave Littlefield and Jim Tracy have evaluated talent.
Speaking of the Pirates, don't get your hopes up because of their recent success. They've done this before at the end of the season, and then things fall apart at the beginning of the next.
This week's game against the Bengals is gonna be a bloodbath. It's gonna come down to who has enough players still walking.
Why did i draft Aaron Brooks for my fantasy team again? Fuck.
Notre Dame is not as bad as they looked against Michigan.
Michigan is not as good as they looked against Notre Dame.
I'm out of things to write about.

NFL Preview, Cieslinski Style

2006-09-06T19:16:00.000-04:00

"Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become." - Marty McGrory

And so it begins...the 2006 NFL season.

Last year's season for Steeler fans was joyous, agonizing, and all adjectives in between. Can anyone remember a season that had as many highs and lows as 2005? At least the highest point came at the end, when our boys raised the Lombardi Trophy for the first time in 26 years and NFL-record tying fifth in team history. Indeed, nothing could top the craziness that was last season...except for the offseason.

In the seven months since Super Bowl XL, Santonio Holmes has been arrested twice before every playing in a regular season game, Ben Roethlisberger nearly died in a motorcycle accident and just last week he had his appendix taken out and will miss at least the opener against the Dolphins. Hines Ward and Joey Porter made not-so-subtle comments about how their contract situations were handled, and Bill Cowher's recent purchase of a North Carolina home has fueled speculation that this year will be his last on the sidelines. Who knew that a 22-man battle royal on a field would actually be a return to calm and normalcy?

The 2006 Steelers have lost a few key components from their Super Bowl champion team, including Jerome Bettis, Kimo von Oelhoffen, and Antwaan Randle El, but there is absolutely no reason to think that this team can't win it all again. Bettis, despite being the unquestioned heart and soul of this team for the past ten years, had become a situational player in 2005, and Duce Staley and Willie Parker can easily duplicate what he did last year. As for his leadership, this team has tons of it on both sides of the ball, and finding a new motivator will not be a problem. von Oelhoffen was getting old, and Brett Keisel provides a younger, faster, and likely better replacement. As for Randle El, his abilities will be missed, but not as much as people think. He was an average receiver, catching only one TD last year, and Hines Ward and Cedric Wilson are both able to throw good passes on those tricky sneaky gadget plays. Santonio Holmes or Willie Reid are both better #3 receivers than Randle El.

As for the returning players, well, there's a reason they won it all last year. Ben Roethlisberger is in amazing shape, appendectomy notwithstanding, and when he is healthy he will show that he is a top-tier NFL quarterback. Parker was incredible in his first season as a starter, and I expect him to be even better this year. Hines Ward will put up his usual solid numbers while being the best blocking WR in football, and Heath Miller will drastically improve on his strong rookie season. The offensive line, as always, will be nearly impenetrable, and will send at least two guys to the Pro Bowl.

On defense, it's more of the same: a line that distracts the offensive line, linebackers that blitz like crazy, and defensive backs that knock the shit out of opposing players. Casey Hampton does not put up big numbers, but he is such a disruptive player that he goes to the Pro Bowl every year and is considered among the best tackles in the league. The Steelers may have the best linebacker corps in the NFL, with Larry Foote and Clark Haggans becoming emerging stars, and Joey Porter and James Farrior showing no signs of slowing down.

The secondary looks to be the Steelers' best since the Rod Woodson/Carnell Lake/Darren Perry days. Troy Polamalu might be the best defensive player in the league, as he can do just about anything. His random blitzing, incredible athleticism, and insatiable thirst for hitting give offensive coordinators migraines. Ryan Clark replaces Chris Hope at free safety...for now at least. Rookie Anthony Smith was amazing in the preseason, and it seems to be only a matter of time before he is the starter. At cornerback, Deshea Townsend is a late bloomer, and despite playing very well the past couple seasons, you have to wonder if age will start catching up to him. On the other side, Ike Taylor is young, athletic, and poised to have a breakout season. If he can hold on to some interceptions, the extension he just signed will be a brilliant investment.

The special teams are...well...good. Nothing big to say there. Jeff Reed is awesome, and Chris Gardocki is the model of consistency.

On paper, this team is just as good if not better than last year's team. However, a tougher schedule and a much stronger AFC North will make their road to a repeat a lot rougher. I look for them to go 12-4, win the division....and once again I'm not gonna pick them to win it all. They'll lose a home playoff game in the divisional round.

And now the rest of the NFL

DIVISION CHAMPS
AFC East: Miami Dolphins. They got better, and the rest of the division got a lot weaker.
AFC South: Jacksonville Jaguars. Indy will miss Edgerrin James more than you think, and Jacksonville is a hell of a team.
AFC West: Denver Broncos. A decent team in a lousy division. The Chiefs might be a challenge, but they aren't as good as Denver.
Wild Card teams: Indianapolis and Kansas City.

NFC East: New York Giants. Provided Eli Manning plays better than he did at the end of '05. Washington will contend also.
NFC North: Chicago Bears. They are a mediocre team, but the rest of the North is pathetic.
NFC South: Carolina Panthers. There isn't a team in the conference that can compete with them.
NFC West: Seattle Seahawks. Arizona will end their reign in '07, but for now the 'Hawks are still the best.
Wild Card teams: Washington and St. Louis.

SUPER BOWL: Carolina over Jacksonville in the Expansion Bowl.

RANDOM PREDICTIONS

This will finally be the year the Patriots don't make the playoffs. They have lost too many good players, and may be on the verge of rebuilding. Phil Simms and the entire ESPN workforce will kill themselves as a result of this.
Thanks to Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson, Jake Delhomme will put up Marino-like numbers en route to the NFL MVP. His amazing season will be capped off with a Super Bowl title.
The Bengals will go 7-9 a year after their first playoff berth since 1990. There are too many off the field issues, and that leads to problems on the field. Just ask the Portland Trailblazers.
Arizona will go 8-8, thanks to an offense that will be nearly unstoppable, and thanks to a defense that is still ho-hum. One or two more good players on D, and the Cards are gonna be beasts.
Detroit and Houston will also be better, but then again, how could they have gotten any worse.
San Francisco will still suck. When you think about what that team was like in the 80s and 90s, and what they are now, it's sad.
Terrell Owens will wear out his welcome very quickly in Dallas, and in the offseason will be seeking a trade.
Art Shell may be back, but his Tecmo Super Bowl squad of the 80s and early 90s isn't. Even with Randy Moss, Jerry Porter, and Lamont Jordan, the Raiders are going nowhere.
"With the first pick of the 2007 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select Brady Quinn, quarterback, Notre Dame."
"With the second pick of the 2007 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select Troy Smith, quarterback, The Ohio State University."
The Steelers will trade up and get Tedd Ginn with the 8th pick. Okay that's wishful thinking, but damn that would be sweet.

Until next time...GO STEELERS.

College Football Preview!

2006-08-30T20:48:00.000-04:00

I lied to myself.

There is no escaping the magic of college football. The sight of 85,000 fans storming the field after a big upset, the sound of the bands playing the fight songs, and the articles on the latest Miami player to get suspended. I guess I always will be enamored with it. I'll always cheer Ohio State and Pitt, boo Penn State and Notre Dame, and for at least another year, I'm gonna write a preview. Here's my take on a few local teams, and to shut up Kamo, Notre Dame.

Pitt Panthers: After a disastrous 5-6 campaign, Dave "Wann-stache" Wannstedt put together maybe the best recruiting class Pitt has had since the Marino era. A couple more offseasons like that, and we could see a return to glory for the blue and gold. As for this year, it's a toss-up. The team is very young and will rely on several freshmen to play important roles. However, there is great leadership on the team. Tyler Palko will hopefully return to his 2004 form after an average '05, and help out the incredibly young receiving corps. On defense, CB Darrelle Revis and LB H.B. Blades will get All-American consideration, and hopefully they will have a decent line in front of them (and even if they don't these two will put up good numbers). While an 8 or 9 win season isn't impossible considering their home schedule, a more realistic figure would be 7-5 with a shitty bowl appearance.

Penn State: Last year's astounding 11-1 campaign has all the blue and white homos chanting "We Are Penn State!" (yes, we know. It's on that stupid shirt you always wear) and proclaiming that JoePa hasn't lost it. Sorry, folks. Not only has Paterno lost it, but the team has lost most of it's big players from last year. They have taken a step back, and in a conference where several teams have taken a step forward, don't expect another BCS berth. Sure, Derrick Williams and Paul Posluszsns...whatever, could have big years, but not many others on the team will. That includes Anthony Morelli, who I hope experiences unconscionable pain in Columbus on September 23. Look for Penn State, like Pitt, to go 7-5, and to get creamed by Notre Dame in a couple weeks.

West Virginia: WVU might make it to the BCS title game without breaking a sweat. They are talented, they are young, and they play in what is easily the weakest BCS conference. Their only challenges should be at Louisville and at Pitt (and based on what they did to Pitt last year, that won't be much of a challenge). Barring some unforeseen disaster, look for the Mountaineers to go at least 11-1 and possibly make it to the big game.

(sigh) Notre Dame: Alright, I admit...they're good. Very good. On offense, at least. But their defense allowed over 400 yards a game last year, and in the Fiesta Bowl Ohio State ran all over them en route to an ugly 34-20 victory. This year the Irish return QB and Heisman frontrunner Brady Quinn and 8 foot tall receiver Jeff Samardjsjzfi...what the fuck is up with all these consonants in people's names? Anyway, their offense is more than good enough to take them to Arizona, but their defense is very shaky, and with games at USC and at home against that team up north (Michigan), this may be another year that those overzealous fans are disappointed.

The Ohio State University: Last year the Buckeyes came ten points away from playing for the national title, and they proved their worth in that Fiesta Bowl rout. This year, it seems as though most if not all the pieces are in place for another championship. They have Michigan and Penn State at home, and they are returning just about everyone on offense. And my God, what an offense that can be. Troy Smith, Tedd Ginn, Anthony Gonzalez, Antonio Pittman, and freshman phenom Chris Wells, not to mention a beastly line. This offense could remind OSU fans of the mid-90s John Cooper juggernauts that scored at will until the Michigan game. The defense is another story. They lost 9 starters, including all the linebackers and defensive backs. I'm not too worried about it though, because Jim Tressel is a defensive genius. Much like Bill Cowher, he can take just about anyone and turn them into a defensive star. And even if the D struggles, there aren't many teams that will be able to keep up with the offense. I want to say the Bucks will run the table and win it all, but there are some brutal games on there, including a week 2 road trip to #2 Texas, and a September 30 meeting with Iowa in...wherever in Iowa they play. I expect them to go at least 11-1, and definitely play in at least the Rose Bowl.

More Observations and Predictions

September 9: Notre Dame 41 - Penn State 10
The Heisman winner won't be Brady Quinn or Troy Smith, but rather someone that comes out of nowhere and has a mind-blowing season.
Charlie Weis will lose two games in a row (USC being one of them), and fans will begin to question whether or not he is a good coach.
While we're on the subject, Notre Dame will once again lose a bowl game. With at least three losses, Notre Dame fans will start registering "fireweis.com" and similar web addresses.
Speaking of fans that are too self-righteous. After a 2-2 start, the "JoePa must retire" movement will start again. After three straight wins, he'll be back and better than ever. After another loss, they'll doubt him again, and after two more...you get the point. Guys, learn about football and how the college game has evolved, and realize that indeed it is time for a change. Or you could just sit there and still revel in your 1986 championship and expect people to still give a damn about that or you guys. You might wanna do that to distract yourselves on the 23rd.
The BCS title game will not feature anyone from the SEC or Big Ten. Those conferences are too good at the top, and the teams will cancel each other out.
USC will be back in the title game for the third straight year. They may have lost Bush and Leinart, but they can reload, and the rest of the Pac 10 still has not caught up to them.
Jan. 8. Glendale, AZ. USC 31 - WVU 17.

NEXT WEEK: NFL PREVIEW?

The NFL

2006-08-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

Well the computer's finally fixed, and I finally have the motivation to finish this project. What was originally expected to take a month has taken over three, but it was worth the wait, right? Um, yeah let's just get on with my analysis of the NFL.

WHAT'S RIGHT:

1. Fair and Balanced. The reason the NFL is now far and away the biggest sports league in the country is the fact that it's economic system is built around equality. The salary cap prevents even the wealthiest franchises from being like the Yankees and Red Sox and outspending the other teams for the top players. This also means that any franchise is theoretically never more than a year or two away from becoming a Super Bowl team. I say theoretically because you still need to make good front office moves (see the Bengals of the 90s).

2. Limited Chances to See Your Team. A classic example of supply and demand. You only get to see your team play 16 times all year, including only 8 at home. So naturally ratings are high, and fans will be willing to pay a lot to see their teams play. That's why even the crappiest teams can still draw about 50,000 a game.

3. Marketing Genius. I don't know if the Super Bowl was integrated into popular culture, or the other way around, but the game has now become both the sports and entertainment event of the year. It's almost gotten to the point that the game is secondary to the 11 hours of pregame shows and the halftime extravaganza (on a little aside, watching the Stones perform at a Super Bowl which the Steelers won was pretty damn cool). Regardless, the marriage of the game and the media orgy has done nothing but good for the NFL.

4. Harsh Steroid Punishments. Okay, maybe the league isn't perfectly clean, but at least the ones that do get caught face stiff penalties. A fourth of the season for the first offense, the whole year for a second, and I think a lifetime ban for a third. But what really makes this good is the fact that it has been around for a long time, unlike the joke of a drug policy that baseball has only recently enacted.

5. Have I mentioned that the Steelers won the Super Bowl last year?

WHAT'S WRONG:

1. Steroids. Despite the testing and the penalties, it seems as though most of these players are still on something. It is just not natural for a 6'6", 360 lb. lineman to be running a 4.5 40.

2. Players Getting Too Big. In recent years, several players on every level have died, and in most cases those players were freakin huge (Korey Stringer). It's not just unnatural for such large players to be doing such strenuous physical activity; it's unhealthy. When you look at how the number of players over 300 lbs. has exploded over the past 15 years, it's no wonder some of these players' hearts are exploding during training camp. Some teams do penalize their players for being overweight and out of shape, but it's not enough, and the league needs to step in and find a way to prevent these tragedies.

3. Legal Issues. The recent arrests of several young players (Chris Henry, Santonio Holmes, "Pacman" Jones, Henry again, Holmes again, Henry AGAIN, Jones again, the rest of the Bengals) has become an alarming trend. The NFL seems to have replaced the NBA as the league with all the criminals (of course, OJ didn't help matters), and in time that could seriously harm the league's image it could fall from the top of the sports world.

4. Terrell Owens. No matter what a player may get arrested for, he will never be hated more than T.O. The man has already destroyed two successful teams, and is embarking on a new one, the Dallas Cowboys. His big mouth, his asshole agent, and ESPN's constant coverage of both has made him one of the faces of the NFL, and like the arrests above, that's not a good thing for the league's image.

5. The New Commish. Roger Goodell may be a fine pick for commissioner, but he has some really big shoes to fill. The past two commissioners have brought us the Super Bowl, the AFL-NFL merger, the salary cap, some ridiculously lucrative TV deals, and unparalleled success and stability for the league. Now, it is up to Goodell to maintain that and maybe even create a new revolution in pro football. Can he pull this off, or will he crack under the pressure? I hope for the former.

Hopefully, you enjoyed this (actually I don't care if you were miserable reading this. It's your dumbass fault for wasting the time), and if I have the time/energy before I leave for the beach on Thursday, I'll do a college football preview.

NFL Training Camp Preview - NFC North

2006-08-14T20:34:00.001-04:00

by Kamo

The first round of preseason games has come and gone with some rookies making a big splash and a certain quarterback in Pittsburgh looking surprisingly sharp in his first appearance. Speaking of looking sharp, how about those new jerseys in Minnesota- they make the color purple look even worse. We move to the NFC North and if last season taught us anything it is that this is no longer the rough and tumble division it used to be. This division from top to bottom might be the weakest in the NFC and it would surprise me to see more than one team challenge for a playoff berth. It is a sad truth considering this division is home to one of the best quarterbacks to ever play in Brett Farve, who will likely be playing his last season. In addition, the Detroit Lions on paper have one of the most talented receiving corps in the NFL but will do nothing in the way of being very competitive. What you have here is an overabundance of wasted talent and poor personel decisions that have caught up to a few teams...

... which is why we will begin in Detroit where the aformentioned group of receivers will no doubt be under fire considering Mike Martz has brought his circus offense to MoTown. I have sympathy for the fans in Detroit because Matt Millen is the NFL's equivalent of Dave Littlefield and it is difficult to comprehend some of his personel moves. Exhibit A: He took receivers in his first pick for 3 consecutive drafts while all but ignoring his glaring holes at many defensive positions. That said, Roy Williams is very good and I do think that Mike Williams will be vastly improved this season and that basically gives them two monsters at receiver. Charles Rogers is the wild card here though because you have to think he will be given more than ample opportunity to succeed in what should be a pass happy offense. The problem is that he is lazy and is in the Plaxico Burress mode except without a guy like Hines Ward to chirp at him and keep him in line so stay tuned to see how that one plays out. They also have Corey Bradford available after they signed him away from Houston in the off-season and speedster Eddie Drummond who could be used like Az Zahir-Hakim was in St. Louis. In the backfield, I really like Kevin Jones and what he brings to the table because he runs so hard. Jones had over 1100 yards rushing last year with Joey Harrington as the main threat at QB, and with Martz as the OC I look for him to approach those numbers again and to really be a threat in the passing game. In addition, it never hurts to have a guy like Cory Schlesinger as your blocking back as he is a perennial Pro-Bowler. At QB, it appears that Jon Kitna will be the starter with another marginal guy in Josh McKown as the backup. To me anything is an uprgrade over Harrington because he was among the worst in the entire NFL at making the right decision on any given play. Kitna played well when he was given the chance in Cincinnatti, but it has been awhile since he has been the full-time starter on a team which makes me wonder if he can do the job.

On defense the name of the game is depth and the Lions have very little of it in the quality department. Up front Shaun Cody and Shawn Rogers are two solid interior d-lineman who are somewhat of an odd couple. Rogers tips the scales at around 345 pounds while Cody is a bit small by today's standards at 293, but together they are able to make some plays. On the outside Cory Redding is versatile as he can probably play any line position and James Hall is quietly becoming a dominant pass rusher off the right end. From what I can see Kalimba Edwards is the only reserve along the line who I would be comfortable stepping in a not seeing a dramatic drop-off in production. At linebacker, if Boss Bailey can avoid injuries he has the makings of a breakout season written all over him but after Bailey there isn't much else. Alex Lewis is probably just keeping a spot warm for Ernie Sims, a player that I think was among the most overrated in the draft, and Paris Lenon was a free-agent pickup from Green Bay but he doesn't give off the impression that he will be anything more than adequate. In the secondary, Fernando Bryant and Kenoy Kennedy are solid veterans as is Dre' Bly, who is entering his 8th season and in my opinion gets better with age. Terrence Holt will play free safety by default because the secondary might be the most thin of any unit on that defense.

Detroit Lions
Offense - B-: This one is a tough one because for some reason I believe Mike Martz will get a lot of production out of those receivers and if he does there might not be a better group top to bottom in the NFL. Kevin Jones should be licking his chops in this offense and if Kitna makes a few plays and limits the mistakes they might not be bad.

Defense - C+: This grade might be a bit generous considering their lack of depth and quality playmakers among the linebacking group but having an athlete like Boss Bailey nudges them up a bit. The bottom line with the defense is that in any one area they are a pulled hamstring away from having someone who is just plain not very good in there.

Overall Outlook: I like Jon Kitna... as a backup. I just don't think this team has enough players to be consistent from week to week and the depth to me should be a major concern. Kevin Jones, Roy Williams, Bailey, and possibly Mike Williams will all have good years, but they have a lot of holes to fill at some important places. The verdict: They need a better QB for this offense and going much better than 5-11 or 6-10 would be outstanding.

We continue our look at the NFC North with a trip to Minnesota and a look at how new Head Coach Brad Childress is working with less in Vikings camp. In the spring Childress essentially sent this message when trading franchise QB Duante Culpepper to the Dolphins: Do things my way or find a new place to do things. This approach is something that I have a lot of respect for but unfortunately for Childress and the Vikings he left the offense in the hands of Brad Johnson, a player who has been in the league since the Oilers were still the Oilers and Jerry Glanville was coaching in Atlanta. To make matters slightly better for the passing game, Troy Williamson will be entering his second season after ending up 3rd among rookies in receiving and Koren Robinson is coming off a trip to the Pro Bowl- albeit as a kick returner. Throw in a couple veterans in Travis Taylor and Marcus Robinson and this group at least has some potential. The Vikings hopes on offense however rest on the broad shoulders of two big free agents brought in this past offseason: Steve "The 49 Million Dollar Man" Hutchinson and Chester "Thank God I am out of Baltimore" Taylor. Now I am not one to talk offensive lines, but Hutchinson is damn good and if you doubt that ask Stephen Alexander how things are going this season without him. Sprinkle in Taylor, a player many think is on the brink of stardom, and the Vikings have reason to think that Childress was on to something when he sent Culpepper packing.

On defense, I love what the Vikings have done through the draft in getting solid defensive lineman like Kenechi Udeze, Darrion Scott, Erasmus James, and Kevin Williams. If Udeze can bounce back from injury and James doesn't stunt his own growth this season, those two will be absolute studs. Scott is one of the better young backups to have and even DeQuincy Scott provides a solid backup off the end. Inside there is Kevin Williams and veteran Pat Williams, who looks much bigger than his listed weight of 317 suggests. The depth along the interior is a cause for concern because those big guys can only play in spurts- something that should and probably will hold this defense back a bit. At linebacker Ben Leber starts at one outside spot while E.J. Henderson will be manning the position opposite him. Henderson has been getting some good reviews in camp but the player that excites me is rookie Chad Greenway out of Iowa. This kid is Big Ten tested and he is as tough as anyone and if I was Ben Leber I wouldn't get too comfortable... except for the fact that Greenway was lost for the season Monday night against the Raiders which is no doubt a tough break for Minnesota. In the middle, Napolean Harris was the player they got for Randy Moss and while he was limited by injuries in '05 he seems to have tremendous potential. I like what the Vikings have done in the secondary with Darren Sharper obviously leading the way with his 9 interceptions from last season coming with him. Fred Smoot can at least talk smack if he doesn't cover the guy and Antoine Winfield has really established himself as one of the better tackling corners in the NFL. Veteran Dwight Smith will play free safety and he is more than adequate but the safety I look to watch for is Greg Blue out of Georgia. A lot of people say he is a little slow, but believe me- this guy can play as he is always around the ball and was a steal in the 5th round.

Minnesota Vikings
Offense - B-: This offense isn't anything really special and the consistency won't be there because I honestly don't see Brad Johnson getting it going. With that said, Chester Taylor should-emphasis on should- have a big year but unless defenses respect the pass that won't automatically happen. I think he'll get 1,000 yards but I'm not sure how much more.

Defense - A-: I am feeling a little generous but I really like this defense and what they have in the way of a solid mix of young guys and veterans. Udeze and Erasmus James are going to be very good players and E.J. Henderson is going to be a good one. Sharper is one of the NFL's best and there aren't many holes in the secondary. The problem is they are going to have to give up less than 14 to keep them in it.

Overall Outlook: I think Brad Childress will get this thing going, but not this season. He needs a slightly better quarterback to run this offense and without a legitimate threat there I would load up against the run and make Johnson beat me. Childress is in a good position here because they have a good defense and Culpepper's image with his connection to the sex party was tarnished anyway. The verdict: They are a player or two away, but equaling last years 9-7 wouldn't be too bad. I think 8-8 and look out next season.

We head over to Chicago next where the Bears make me laugh outloud at their running back situation. Thomas Jones, former #1 pick Cedric Benson, and Adrian Peterson (relax idiots, its not THAT Adrian Peterson) are in the mix for playing time. However, a look at the Bears' depth chart suggests otherwise. Now I know there has been a few injuries but c'mon people, at least stick them on the depth chart where they belong. On the serious side, the injuries are a cause for major concern because this team won last year on defense- period. Chicago finished ahead of only San Francisco in total offense, an ill that needs to be cured if this team thinks it is going anywhere come playoff time. Enter Brian Griese. Wait, Brian Griese? Yes, Brian Griese and for one reason: He will make Rex Grossman better. Grossman is a good quarterback without a lot of experience on the field and with a lot of experience in the trainer's room as injuries have cost him time the past 3 years. I think having an entire training camp with Mushin Muhammad is going to do a lot for him because that guy is an animal. He is so physical when going after the football and he runs excellent routes. The issue is that there is not an established #2 receiver and so he can expect a lot of double coverage. How to fix that? Get Desmond Clark the football and make sure that, when healthy, Benson and Jones hammer it inside. The Bears are going to have to get physical in order to win- something Lovie Smith understands.

Speaking of being physical, is there a better defense in the NFC (and possibly the league outside of Pittsburgh) than in Chicago? The answer: A resounding no. When talking about the Bears defense there is only one place to start- Brian Urlacher. This guy is one of the top 5 defensive players in the NFL and there are few who can run and hit like him. He is a freak of nature and lining next to him is fellow Pro-Bowler Lance Briggs, a player who is often overshadowed by the fact he plays beside a guy like Urlacher. Toss in Hunter Hillenmeyer (don't let the Vanderbilt education and the prep school name fool you, this guy hits) and the linebackers leave little to be desired. The men up front who are responsible for allowing those 'backers to roam are pretty good as Alex Brown and Tommie Harris are young guys they got in the draft who are coming into their own. Add in Adewale Ogunleye, whom they stole from the Dolphins, and Alfonso Boone and then try to figure out how to run the ball. Oh, and they have a little depth too with Dusty Dvoracek and Jamaal Green being quality backups. In the secondary, Mike Brown is a hitter who plays centerfield well against the pass while Nathan Vasher and Charles Tillman are underrated as corners. Throw in Ricky Manning Jr. and the newly drafted Devin Hester and this defense is absolutely stacked.

Chicago Bears
Offense - B: The Bears offense doesn't need to be pretty, just effective. The formula for success is simple: Run it a lot, pass when needed, don't turn it over. This makes Grossman's job crucial because he can't be a cowboy and just throw it into places that the ball doesn't need to be thrown. He would be wise to study some tape of Ben Roethlisberger. One word for the offense: Physical.

Defense - A+: Not a better defense in the NFC and not a defense that is going to give up a lot against the run. Your best hope is to pick on the secondary, but Nathan Vasher and Charles Tillman are pretty good in their own regard. They fly to the ball and play well as a unit.

Overall Outlook: This team is undoubtedly the class of the division but where they go from there hinges on the offense's ability to score points. The defense will keep them in it most games and so they just need to come up with enough. Plus, they play in a division that is favorable in that it isn't very good so that will help. The verdict: 11-5 or 10-6 with a shot at winning 12 games but the November schedule is brutal. Playoff bound but how far remains to be seen.

And finally in the NFC North we head to Packertown as the fans in Green Bay get ready for what will likely be Brett Farve's last season. As far as Farve goes, I have always admired the way the man plays the game because there are few who can rival him in both intensity and a will to win. With that said, in order for the Packers to have any chance of winning he is going to have to be vastly improved from his 2005 campaign. While I am willing to cut him some slack because of the loss of Ahman Green in week 7 of last year, Farve is no doubt the leader of the offense and as he goes, so do the Packers and 29 INTs will not go very far. Speaking of Green, his return should put a smile on the face of every cheesehead because as good of a story as Samkon Gado was, he will never be Ahman Green. So what do the Packers have on offense besides their two stars? Well, they have a pretty good TE in Bubba Franks and two receivers who are more than capable in Donald Driver and Robert Ferguson. I think Farve has plenty of weapons to make it work, but can new coach Mike McCarthy gel with Farve enough to make allow this to happen? I really don't know the answer to that question but this much is clear: In their first preseason game the Packers did not anything but show that they are far from where they need to be.

On the defensive side of things they got some help from Charles Woodson, who signed as a free agent in May. Pair him up with Al Harris and the Packers have one of the better cornerback combinations in the NFC. This secondary actually shapes up better than I thought with Nick Collins (All-Rookie Team) and free agent pickup Marquand Manuel (started in the Super Bowl) playing at the two safety spots and so I think their pass defense won't be too bad. The problem in the secondary is that outside of Ahmad Carroll, there is nothing in the way of experienced depth which will undoubtedly pose a problem with Woodson having recent health concerns. At linebacker they have a beast in Nick Barnett, who in 2005 had 194 tackles, a franchise record. They drafted A.J. Hawk with the 5th pick in the draft and, much in the same mold as Chad Greenway, his style should fit in well in the Green Bay cold. The wild card here is Ben Taylor who comes over from the Browns and can play all three linebacker spots although he is probably best suited for the outside. Taylor is another tackling machine as he had 139 last season in starting every game for Cleveland and if this unit comes together, they will be very quick and athletic. The biggest questions for the Packers defense comes up front as Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila is their best, and possibly only, playmaker and is a good pass-rusher who is just 10.5 sacks away from Reggie White's club record. Ryan Pickett and Aaron Kampman ranked 1-2 in the NFL in tackles among defensive lineman, but I am uncertain that either is able to rush the passer or simply stuff the run. In addition, DT Colin Cole has be waived twice in his career and so you can understand why the interior line is a big question mark.

Green Bay Packers
Offense - B: I desperately want Farve to have a good year so the man can just ride off into the Louisiana sunset and retire but it will all depend on how Robert Ferguson decides to play and how well Ahman Green runs. Green is as important to Farve as any other player on the team and I look for him to get plenty of touches as he will come close to 1500 total yards this season.

Defense - B: The depth, or lack thereof, is a major cause of concern for me because Woodson has shown he is a little frail and they have a lot of no-names on their two-deep. Gabeer-Biamila has got to have a good season and Pickett is going to have to do a lot in the middle of the line because Colin Cole is not the answer there. The linebackers will be the strength with Hawk being dominant.

Overall Outlook: I think this entire organization knows that Brett Farve is done after this season and that it will be a rallying point. On the flip side, if they falter, his pending retirement could turn into a circus causing this team to tailspin and not finish much better than last year. With a new coach, a Hall of Fame QB, and a lot of questions a fast start to this season is a must. If they are worse than 2-2 after their first 4 they are in trouble. The Verdict: If they start out well, they will challenge but I don't think emotion can take them far. 9-7 and a possible Wild Card berth with some luck.

This division is interesting from the standpoint of how much has changed from last year. Their are new coaches and some new players which will make for some excitement in the season's opening weeks, but the bottom line is the Bears are still the class of the NFC North. Minnesota and Green Bay will challenge and Detroit will be excited about the Tigers until the Yankees beat them to get into the World Series. So, stay tuned where next time we will look at the NFC South: Is this the Panthers year? Will Michael Vick finally get the Falcons over the hump? Are the Buccaneers ready for primtime? And will Reggie Bush be Rookie of the Year? Until then, enjoy the Little League World Series.

NFL Training Camp Preview - NFC East

2006-08-01T20:17:00.000-04:00

by Kamo

Ahhhhhhhh... I promised myself I would give it until August to write about football and thank God that August is here. Between watching a very bad Pirates team and the World Series of Darts I feel like I could rip my eyes out and my ears off and not miss much in the way of sporting events right now. With that said, NFL training camps have opened everywhere and there may not be a more improved division from top to bottom than the NFC East. With Terrell Owens heading to Dallas, Lavar Arrington heading to the Giants, and the Redskins adding just about every marginal wide receiver on the market during their annual brainless spending spree, this division has the makings of being solid if not spectacular.

We'll start out in Washington where Antwaan Randle El and Brandon Lloyd (those of the aformentioned marginal variety) join the offense as well as Al Saunders, the team's new offensive coordinator who came over from the Chiefs. After seeing what the Chiefs offense did under Saunders' direction it is no wonder that the fans of Redskin Nation are frothing over what could potentially be brewing. With Patrick Ramsey being traded to the Jets, Mark Brunell returns as the incumbent at quarterback with 2nd year man Jason Campbell not far behind. The receving corps will be deep and is full of small, quick receivers like Santana Moss (5'10) and Randle El (5'10), as well as David Patten, Taylor Jacobs, and Lloyd, who was the 49ers leading receiver last season. There is not a single receiver in the group over 6'0 which makes me wonder who will go over the middle. At tight end they are solid with free agent pickup Christian Fauria as well as Chris Cooley, who had 71 receptions last year. The player that really gets the offense going however is Clinton Portis and he returns with his franchise-record 1,516 yards from last year in tow. A perenial Pro-Bowler and one of the top-5 backs in the NFL, Portis will be the difference between a division title and the 'Skins sitting at home come January. Look for him to have a big season in the Redskins new scheme and to possibly eclipse his totals from last year.

On defense for the Redskins, the loss of Arrington will not be felt as much as his presence in New York will be and they picked up Adam Archuleta to replace the departed Ryan Clark at safety. Sean Taylor will continue his meteoric rise to the NFL's elite safeties and by the end of this season he should be getting mentioned in the same breath as Troy Polamalu and Ed Reed. The Redskins signed Andre Carter away from the 49ers in a deal that may turn out to be one of their best because it seems that he is finally coming into his own as a pass-rusher off the edge. Throw in Renaldo Wynn and big Joe Salave'a up front and you have the makings of a very solid d-line. Which brings me to the loss of Arrington and I don't think it will be a major loss if for no other reason than he missed most of last season. If Marcus Washington and Warrick Holdman can be slightly better than average the linebackers shouldn't be that big of a question mark. In addition, their first draft pick was Roger McIntosh out of Miami who could be looked upon to come in and make an immediate impact.

Washington Redskins
Offense - B: Under the eye of Al Saunders, Portis should be stellar and the receivers might prove me wrong and be better than average. If Brunell can put together a good season and keep the interceptions under 15, this offense could be scary.

Defense - B-: The secondary is tough with Shawn Springs being very underrated in my book and the safeties should complement each other well. The obvious question mark is the linebacking group, but if they play well they might be ok. Besides, if the offense scores like the Chiefs did they won't have to make too many plays.

Overall Outlook: The Redskins will challenge for the "Top Dog" status in the NFC East and if the defense can make some plays they just might get there. I think they are a solid team, the problem is so are the other 3 in this division. The verdict: Will challenge for the Wild Card at 10-6.

Next we head up north a little ways to Philadelphia where you-know-who is no longer wearing an Eagles uniform and Donovan McNabb swears he is ready to put that whole soap opera behind him. Of the four teams in this division, the Eagles probably have more question marks than any of them- especially in the receiving corps because this group is below average and quite possibly among the worst in the NFL. There is not a single playmaker among them and outside of Todd Pinkston and, maybe on a good day, Jabar Gaffney, there is not really much of a proven threat. On the bright side, L.J. Smith is probably one of the top 10 tight ends in the league and Bryant Westbrook is a multi-threat playmaker who is going to get 25-30 touches per game and should have a great year. Of course, having McNabb back and without the distraction of someone questioning his manhood gives the Eagles the best QB in the division. I don't know if he is going to be enough because Andy Reid says that he is dedicated to the run and if Westbrook can't handle the load I'm not so sure if Ryan Moats can do much to help.

If the offense has question marks, the defense might have some answers as the front-7 should rebound from a horrendous 2005 campaign. Jevon Kearse, Jerome McDougal, Dhani Jones, Jeremiah Trotter, and Mark Simoneau will be the anchors of that group and if Kearse can pressure the QB that would allow an up and coming secondary to make some plays. The leader of that secondary will once again be Brian Dawkins who will hit you like a train and then run an interception back 70 yards for a touchdown on the next play. Lito Sheppard, Roderick Hood, and Micheal Lewis are all 6th year guys who have been playing together for quite some time and have discovered good chemistry for their work. They are pretty deep too with Shawn Barber at LB and J.R. Reed and Sheldon Brown providing depth in the secondary. This defense is pretty good and it is going to have to be because the offense may not be there.

Philadelphia Eagles
Offense - C+: McNabb is one of the best and Westbrook is talented, but the WRs are borderline terrible. They just don't have too many playmakers in that group and unless L.J. Smith makes a huge splash I am not sure where those 3rd and 6 or 3rd and 5 conversions are going to come from.

Defense - B+: I like what the Eagles have here and I think there is a lot of potential for good things here. Kearse is still and elite player to me and I think that Trotter and Simoneau both play about as hard as you can. The secondary is pretty good but with that offense I don't think any other this matters.

Overall Outlook: Not this year Philly. Making it to 8-8 would be a tremendous accomplishment in this division and I am not sure they will do better than last year's 6-10 record. If they are going to, McNabb is going to have to play out of his mind. Final Verdict: 6-10, or maybe 7-9 with a bounce going their way.

Continuing up the East Coast to the New York Giants, we find a new face on defense and a quarterback on the cusp of becoming a star. Eli Manning enters his 3rd year in New York after leading them to the playoffs last season. Manning will have plenty of weapons around him and there is no reason to believe that he won't make the Pro Bowl this year. Speaking of Pro Bowl, RB Freaki Tiki Barber might be the most complete back in the NFL and after last year's monster season he will be largely responsible for helping to complete Manning's rise into the elite QBs of the NFL as it never hurts to have a solid running game to complement a young QB. Manning will also have the services of Plaxico Burress and Amani Toomer coming back at receiver with the addition of 2nd round pick Sinorice Moss out of Miami. Add in loudmouth badass Jeremy Shockey at TE and you have a plethora of weapons surrounding one of the games top young QBs. In a sentence, this offense is scary.

On defense, the addition of Lavar Arrington will prove to be huge as it never hurts to add an athlete like him. By putting Arrington in the defense, the linebackers suddenly go from solid to stellar. Carlos Emmons is a tough veteran and Brandon Short, Arrington's teammate from Penn State, is turning into a very good football player. The backbone of the defense however is veteran Micheal Strahan and the defensive line, which is deep and effective. Strahan is still a superb pass rusher and Osi Umenyiora had a breakout 2005 season when he lead the NFC with 14.5 sacks. Justin Tuck and number one pick Mathias Kiwanuka provide quality backups and the Giants appear to have an embarassment of riches at DE. Finally, 4th year man William Joseph anchors the middle making the Giants front-7 a very tough unit to run on. The only thing holding this defense back is a questionable secondary as the addition of Sam Madison and R.W. McQuarters doesn't inspire the word greatness. Both are veterans, but McQuarters has played for almost every team in the NFC and Madison has lost a step. At safety, I am thinking Quentin Harris will man one postion, but looking over their roster I cannot acurately say who should take over at the other. That says it all as far as the secondary goes.

New York Giants
Offense - A-: With Manning running the show and Freaki Tiki running the ball, the sky is the limit for this offense as long as either Toomer or Moss proves to be a quality option in the passing game. Plex and Shockey are gonna have good years and I look for big things from this team in terms of putting points on the board.

Defense - B+: If we were going strictly on the front-7, I would say "A" but unfortunately 11 people play and the secondary is shaky at best. The good news is that Strahan and Osi will put enough pressure on the quarterback to overcome most of those shaky moments, that bad news is most is not all.

Overall Outlook: This is the team to beat in the NFC East and with last year's playoff debacle under their belt, this team has the potential to make a run deep into the playoffs. I think the Giants win the NFC East and will flirt with a first round bye. The Verdict: This is a good football team- they should win at least 11 games and take the division.

Finally, we head to the Lonestar State and the Dallas Cowboys, which if nothing else should provide the most interesting story line this year. My biggest question in this division is whether or not Terrell Owens and Bill Parcells can make it through a season without choking each other. Parcells is old school. T.O. is anything but. Parcells doesn't put up with much in the way of problems. T.O. has been a problem since the day he left San Francisco. Parcells thinks he can control Owens. I think he is crazy like a fox for trying. Nevertheless, Dallas got the premier wide receiver in the game when they picked up Owens and he immediately gives this offense a shot in the arm because before they picked him up their best receiving threat was Terry Glenn (Jason Witten notwithstanding). Drew Bledsoe was undoubtedly smiling from ear-to-ear when he found out that Owens was coming to Dallas as he now has someone that he can consistently uncork his monster arm on. In addition to Witten, who is quietly becoming one of the best in the game, the Cowboys picked up Weis' Guy Anthony Fasano from Notre Dame so expect a lot of 2 tight end sets this season. The running backs are a decent group with Julius Jones and Marion Barber returning to give the Cowboys a solid 1-2 punch in their backfield. The running back I think you should watch though is Demetris Summers, the rookie who was kicked off the South Carolina team but not before he was their leading rusher.

On defense the Cowboys are led by safety Roy Williams who may be one of the best athletes on the team. He can blitz, play the run, or cover the pass which makes him a hybrid of sorts in the secondary and a poor man's Polamalu. Former #1 pick Terrance Newman is at one cornerback slot while veteran Aaron Glenn and Anthony Henry will compete for the other. Greg Ellis returns to anchor the d-line in the 3-4 along with Marcus Spears, a player who is really starting to come into his own and I think they should expect a big season from him. Jason Ferguson takes control of the DT spot vacated by La'Roi Glover through free agency and look for rookie Montavious Stanley to possibly see time there as well. The linebackers will be lead by phenom DeMarcus Ware who tied for the team lead in sacks and was an all-NFL rookie last season. Ware has a freakish combination of speed and size and is a terror off the end in the 3-4 defense. Also, rookie #1 pick Bobby Carpenter out of Ohio State should make an immediate impact as well as free agent acquisition Rocky Boiman.

Dallas Cowboys
Offense - B+: Adding a guy with the talent of Terrell Owens should always be a positive, but dealing with T.O. is never an easy task. If Parcells can get him to see the big picture and he decides to play with a passion, look out because 1500 yards and 15 TDs is not out of the question. Barber and Jones will be more than adequate in the backfield with Jason Witten and Anthony Fasano being big parts of the passing game for Bledsoe.

Defense - B+: This is not a defense on paper that might look really scary, but Parcells will make this unit tough. Ware is a nightmare coming off the edge and Roy Williams is only going to get better. If the secondary makes some plays and linebackers step up, they have the makings of a good unit.

Overall Outlook: In another division the Cowboys might be the favorite, but this is going to be a dogfight from Week 1. There are a few "ifs" within this team, this biggest obviously being T.O., but I think Parcells might get it done with him. The Wild Card is going to come down to Dallas and Washington and T.O. might be the difference. The Verdict: Dallas will challenge for the Wild Card and be either 10-6 or 9-7. The scary thing is that if T.O. keeps his head out of his hind end they could challenge for the division.

Well, that the NFC East and that is it for tonight. This is a good division that reminds me of the early 90's whenever these four teams used to beat each other down and the November Monday Night Games were among the best ever. If I were a fan of any of these teams I would be excited because they are all so close (except maybe Philly, which could scare some people) and this division should be a good race. Next Up: The NFC North- Can the Bears repeat? Does Farve have one more in him? What is going on in Minnesota? Is Detroit ever going to be good? Find out next time!

The Sport Formerly Known as America's Pastime

2006-07-25T21:11:00.000-04:00

"Welcome to Major League Baseball...sort of." - Harry Doyle, Major League II

I really hate computers. I had been planning on writing my piece on baseball a couple weekends ago, but my computer decided to go a little crazy, and I've spent most of my time dealing with foreign tech support. But since training camp is starting on Friday, meaning the baseball season will be over after Thursday's games, I figure I better get this done.

WHAT'S RIGHT

1. It's still baseball. Even though the sport has been completely jacked up for the better part of twenty years, there is still a soft spot in America's heart for the game. People will always flock to the ballpark on a summer night to catch a game, but anymore you have to wonder if that's a testament to the magic of the game or the great marketing skills of the franchises.

2. Barry Bonds is almost gone. Even though he hasn't been found guilty of anything, be it in a court of law or the kangaroo court of MLB, his nasty reputation and the suspicion around him negates any of his accomplishments. The sport will be much better off when we don't have to see his every at bat and non-stop coverage by Pedro "If I'm up Bonds's ass any more I'll be able to tell you what he's having for dinner tomorrow" Gomez.

3. New York teams do well. From a fan's perspective, nothing could be more annoying. From a business perspective, it's very good when the teams in the biggest markets generate interest. Why? Interest leads to revenue, and revenue is never bad.

4. PNC Park. It's every bit as beautiful as its inhabitants are ugly, and that's no small feat.

5. Actually, I can't think of another thing that's good about the game.

WHAT'S WRONG (What isn't?)

1. Economics. I know it's possible to field a decent team with a smaller payroll, but even then it can't be too small. Also, when people point to the Oakland A's as an example of a team that did a lot with a low payroll, they don't mention that most of those players were under their minor league contracts at the time, and once they were eligible for free agency, they were gone. The economics of baseball are so screwed up that if you can't shell out $150 million, you need to make perfect moves to have any chance of competing. That means scouting the right players at all levels, and signing the right free agents that become productive. In the other sports, there is some margin of error allowed, because everyone is on a level playing field. In baseball, however, most teams start behind the 8-ball, and getting out of the situation is nearly impossible.

2. Steroids. The new drug testing thing is a joke, as there are countless ways to cheat it, and countless substances you can use that cannot be detected in a test. The absurd amount of home runs hit in the past decade cannot just be the result of bad pitching or juiced balls (heh heh, balls). It's obvious these players are doing something bad, but since the homers put asses in seats, the powers that be just sat there and counted their money. Now, as some players (Ken Caminitti) are dying from the effects, and as Congress is stepping in and asking "what the fuck?", they are finally doing something, but it seems to only be smoke and mirrors.

3. The Players Union. The strongest labor union in the country. Can you think of another industry where the employees can name their pay and get it no questions asked? They are the main reason baseball is so out of whack. They refuse to accept a salary cap that would create some sense of equality and benefit the entire league, instead wanting to make as much money as they can, team loyalty and purity of the game be damned. Sure, some owners are just as responsible for actually paying that much, but in most instances they don't have a choice. Kip Wells was awarded over $4 million in an arbitration hearing after leading the majors in losses last year with 18. The Pirates were also forced to overspend on several veterans, such as Jeromy Burnitz and Joe Randa, just to give people the appearance that they were trying to win. Until the less-fortunate owners decide they've had enough and start a financial war, exoect to see more big contracts from the Yankees and Red Sox for both deserving and undeserving players.

4. New York and Boston. When Ben Roethlisberger was drafted by the Steelers, it was a big deal because he was going to a marquee team in a big city. When Sydney Crosby was drafted by the Penguins, journalists from New York hailed the move as a great one for the sport of hockey, since a talented young player was going to a team and city that needed one. It was for the good of the league. So what's so different about the Pittsburgh in which the Pirates play that Major League Baseball does not want to see or care to see their success? The answer is that Pittsburgh is not New York or Boston. For some strange reason, those are the only cities they care about. Watch ESPN at any time and chances are they are analyzing the Yankees' and Red Sox every move. I understand that they are the big markets and have mass appeal, but other teams deserve some attention too. If baseball were to do something to help out the bad franchises (what I don't know, I'm open to suggestions), imagine how much better the sport would be. The Pirates are a prime example. The franchise goes back way before the Yanks and Sox, and they have a history that is just as legendary and prestigious as either one. But no one knows about it anymore because they have been brutalized by poor ownership and bad economics. Now, imagine if baseball were to do something to level the playing field, and suddenly the Pirates were contenders. With all the displaced Pittsburghers around the country (watch a Steeler away game and you'll see), their popularity would skyrocket, and baseball would improve. The big money teams will always get the ratings and the fans, even if some of their power and success were taken away. Adding the rest of the league to that equation would do nothing but good.

5. Bud Selig. Most, if not all, of baseball's problems can be traced back to this goof. He couldn't even get his own franchise, the Milwaukee Brewers, any love, as they had their first non-losing season since 1992 last year. He always tries to say that the game is in a golden age and everything is fair, but even he knows that's a bunch of crap. He knows he's screwed things up with the economics and the steroids (and the 2002 All-Star Game, and pretty much everything else he's done), but as long as fans come out in huge numbers, he can fuck up all the way to the bank. Even if he were to try to do something, he would just get shot down by Donald Fehr and the players union. They control him to the point he might as well change his name to Kermit. If anything is to ever get better in baseball, this coward needs to be removed from office first. Baseball needs a new commissioner, one who realizes the sport is screwed up and will do anything to fix it, regardless of what the players union thinks.

I'm tired of talking about baseball. It's become a joke. I can't watch the Pirates on TV anymore because they are so bad, and I refuse to go to a game and give that ownership any of my money. A long time ago watching and playing it used to be a favorite hobby for kids, but it has been long replaced by football, basketball, golf, and a number of other things. Why? Because the men you see in the pros, the ones that are supposed to be the role models, have destroyed the game. Good job guys. Here's $20 million more.

Coming next week: My NFL analysis, and maybe a recap of the Pirates season. GO STEELERS.

The NBA...Simply Cause I Have Nothing Better to Do

2006-07-04T21:06:00.000-04:00

I really need a new hobby, but for now, here's 5 good and bad things about the NBA.

WHAT'S RIGHT

1. New Labor Agreement. Never a bad thing when you avoid a work stoppage that would result in fans losing interest.

2. New Minimum Age. I never liked the idea of people going straight from high school to the pros because of the huge risk involved in it. For every Kevin Garnett or Kobe Bryant, there's 20 other 18 year olds that don't get drafted and, since most can't afford to go to college, now work at the local Baskin Robbins. Having a minimum age of 19 will give some of these people an opportunity to get at least some education while improving both their game and the college game as a whole.

3. David Stern. Like him or not, he's been busting his ass off to keep this league thriving. He's not like Bud Selig, who only cares about the success of a select few. Stern knows that each franchise, no matter how good or how profitable they are, plays an integral part in the success of the league. He also knows about the tarnished image of the players and has been trying to improve it (see the dress code he created). Despite some of the league's shortcomings, I think Stern has done a great job.

4. Appeal to the Youth. Because of the small amount of space and equipment needed to play, and the ability to practice it by yourself, basketball has become the favorite sport of America's youngsters. They give the NBA ratings and tons of revenue through merchandise sales. It is definitely a sport that will not lose it's youth appeal any time soon.

5. LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. They are very young and they are extremely talented, but most of all, they have good character. In a league whose players do not have the greatest of reputation, having two megastar players like that can go a long way in improving its image.

I guess a 6th good thing is that Ben Wallace just signed with my Bulls, but I'll digress.

WHAT'S WRONG

1. The Image. Of course, not every player in the NBA is a thug or has several kids to several women, but there are some bad apples. In the cases of Shawn Kemp in the 90s, and Kobe Bryant and Ron Artest now, these bad apples also happen to be among the best players in the league, and thus very prominent figures. When championship caliber players get in trouble, and other stars are enjoy showing their massive egos in public, the whole league suffers.

2. Shooting? Thanks to SportsCenter and the constant barrage of sports highlights on the news, fundamental play has been replaced by flash and pizzazz. Scoring has declined because instead of running plays and setting up good shots, players now try to do fancy moves and crazy dunks, and they miss a lot more often. Which kinda leads to my next point...

3. Individualism. It's been about two weeks (or one week...I don't know) since the Heat won the NBA title, and except for Shaq and Wade, I can't name another starter on that team. Meanwhile, I can name just about the entire rosters for the Celtics and Lakers of the 80s and the Bulls of the 90s. The reason is, back then those teams were really teams and not just one or two star players with scrubs feeding off them (okay, the Bulls were kinda like that, but at least they had three or four legit good players in the early 90s). You can blame the expansion or the desire to be on TV all the time, but it seems as though recently teamwork has been replaced with a hot player that carries everyone else.

4. Bill Walton Announcing Games on ESPN. Watch one game he's on and you'll understand. "And yes, my hair is on fire!"

5. Hey Where All the White Men At? Not to sound racist, but the league needs more white American players in it. Larry Bird said as much a couple years ago and got a lot of shit for it, but unfortunately is is somewhat right. Only 20% of its players are white, and many of them are European. Sure, we can't jump and look ridiculous with headbands on, but sadly our society is still racist, and many people in the paying public (and by that I mean corporate sponsors and luxury box buyers) are white. Because of their prejudices and the negative image the league has, their desire to watch and/or patronize the NBA is very small. There are signs that the minority executive presence is improving, but maybe not at the rate at which white America is losing interest. Since we lost baseball to the Latins, golf to Tiger Woods, and really don't give a damn about hockey, tennis, bowling, and the like, I say we grab a ball and head down to Memorial Park.

NEXT WEEK: Major League Baseball. That could be a long one.

What's Right, What's Wrong, What the Hell is Going On? The NHL

2006-06-26T20:54:00.000-04:00

Well here I am on a Monday evening, and I have absolutely nothing to do. I took off work to get some extra sleep, and in that extra time I did the things I normally do when I got home. So, to kill time, and to entertain all my loyal readers (that would be Pat O'Toole and Brent Mennitto), I'm gonna start a four part series on the major North American sports leagues and list five good things and five bad things about each one. Since I know the least about hockey and there's only an hour til wrestling, I'm gonna start with the NHL. Hopefully this doesn't take long.

WHAT'S RIGHT:

1. Equality in the League. After years of a huge financial imbalance between the big market and small market teams that ultimately led to the lockout that erased the 2004-05 season, a new collective bargaining agreement was agreed upon, and it's designed for the benefit of all teams. The salary cap is a shade below $40 million, which is fair and affordable for every team in the league, especially when you consider the revenue problems many of them have. Now, teams like the Penguins and Blue Jackets can go out and sign decent players and have a chance of competing (will someone please tell the Pens that?).

2. New Rules = Better Game. Before this new CBA was reached, NHL hockey was a game of few goals, many holds hooks, and ties, and even more fans falling asleep. Now, two line passes are legal, games still tied after overtime go to a shootout, goalie pads are required to be smaller, and the rules are expected to be enforced consistently and universally. The result is a higher scoring game that generates some much needed excitement.

3. Apologetic Players. The players' reluctance to accept a salary cap was the driving force behind the 2004 lockout. Eventually, the NHLPA realized that the new system would be beneficial to everyone, and agreed to the NHL's new system. Shortly after this deal was reached, NHLPA director Bob Goodenow resigned after being considered the biggest villain of the lockout. Not long after that, veteran Jeremy Roenick basically apologized for the players at the Mario Lemieux golf tournament, saying they realize they had made a mistake, and if fans were still upset they could kiss his ass. Naturally the media only showed that last part and made him look stupid, but if you see the whole speech, he is right about everything.

4. There's Still Prestige. The Stanley Cup is still the most cherished and storied trophy in North American sports, and people in Canada and the northern US still love their hockey.

5. Crosby, Malkin, and Ovechkin. This could be like Bird, Magic, and Jordan in the 80s. Crosby and Ovechkin lit up the NHL last year, and Malkin, who will be in the 'Burgh this fall, is supposed to be better than both of them. With these three the league has some stars to market for the next 20 years (provided Ovechkin and Malkin learn English).

WHAT'S WRONG

1. The Pain of the Lockout. While the new CBA and the apologies of the players and owners were a good start, there is still the sting of losing the entire 04-05 season over how many millions a player is supposed to make. Just like in baseball, that alienates a lot of fans, and it may take a while before many of them come back.

2. The Outdoor Life Network!? After getting low-balled by ESPN on a TV deal, the NHL was forced to rely on local broadcasts, one or two weekend games on NBC, and a deal with The Outdoor Life Network. It's bad enough that most people either don't have OLN or don't know what channel it is, but to have hockey sandwiched between a rodeo and extreme trout fishing is just absurd. Most of the first three rounds of the playoffs, and even the first two games of the Stanley Cup Final were on OLN, which can't be good for ratings.

3. Revenue Problems. The NFL gets 66% of its revenue from its TV deal, the NHL gets 3%. Add to that ticket woes, weak sponsorship, and a ho-hum appeal in non-NHL cities, and many teams struggle to make any serious profit. The Pens are a prime example. Despite getting Crosby and a team that on paper looked real good at the start of the season, they struggled mightily. Had they sold out every game and made the second round of the playoffs, they still would have lost $7 million. I'm not sure a new arena with luxury suites could fix that "optimal situation".

4. Too Many Europeans. It's bad enough that 99% of the players are white athletes, but most of them aren't from this hemisphere. While that contributes to a good on-ice product, the US expects more out of its sports leagues. They want personalities, characters, outspoken lunatics, and names you can pronounce. Since many of the players have 29 letter last names (24 of which are consonants) and virtually no command of English, it is very hard to market them. I can't wait to see Malkin in a Capital One commercial: "Vat is it such that is in your vallet?"

5. It's...Hockey. In cities that don't have NHL teams, hockey will never get big. It seems to be a niche sport that only generates interest in places that have teams around which they could rally. Part of this is because it is a horrible sport to watch on TV. I hear it's great live, but most people don't get the opportunity to go see a game in person. Since it's lame on TV, what's the use in watching or getting interested in it.

Another problem I want to mention is the length of the season. It ended last week, just as summer began, and when it gets this warm, the only ice I wanna see is in a Captain and Coke. By either shortening the regular season or the playoffs, people will maintain interest by the time the finals come around.

NEXT WEEK: The NBA

What's Not to Like About the World Cup?

2006-06-19T20:46:00.000-04:00

People around here may not have noticed, what with the non-stop coverage of Ben Roethlisberger's idiotic motorcycle wreck and Santonio Holmes' latest arrest (Holmes' games played as a Steeler: 0. Number of mugshots taken since being drafted: 2), but the planet's biggest sporting event is going on in America's lifelong ally, Germany. It is watched by billions of people around the world, more than the Super Bowl, the Olympics, WrestleMania, and "Friends" reruns, yet it has never caught on here in the States. Now I'm not gonna be like every other soccer fan and say, "Aw man why can't you get into soccer? You should be watching this stuff!" Instead, I'm going to express my appreciation and admiration for this insane month that only comes once every four years.

The greatest aspect of the World Cup, and indeed the sport of soccer anywhere but the US, is the fans' passion for the game. Trinidad and Tobago, a tiny country that had no chance to do much of anything, tied Sweden 0-0 in their first game. In America a tie is something that is neither celebrated nor lamented, but for the...Trinidadians and Toboggans(?) it was almost as big as winning it all. The fans in the stadium went berserk, as their team pulled off a pretty big upset. So what if they weren't gonna win anything; they went on the sport's biggest stage and showed they could hang with a powerful team. A similar thing occurred yesterday with Korea's 1-1 tie with 1998 champion France. Led by legend Zinedine Zidane (oh, another great thing about this tournament is the names. Fuckin love them), France had a high global ranking, but the Koreans held tough and their fans drowned out those silly Frenchmen. At the Staples Center in LA, thousands of Korean-Americans gathered to watch their homeland on closed circuit TV, and when they scored that late goal, a celebration ensued that far surpassed anything a Lakers NBA title could create. The chanting, the dancing, the body painting, it's all unlike anything that happens here in any sport. Fans at a soccer game in the US are there because there is nothing better to do, fans at the World Cup are there because it is their life.

Next you have the players. For far too long, the US has failed to put out the best possible Olympic or world championship team for basketball, baseball, or hockey, and most of it has been for BS reasons. It seems as though all the big star players will find any reason they can to not have to play any more than they are contractually obligated. Thanks to excuses such as minor injuries, vacations, or a disagreement with who is coaching, we are forced to put out an inferior product and struggle mightily. The players that do manage to show up are only in it for themselves, and the teamwork is virtually nonexistent (see 2004 Olympic basketball). None of that happens in soccer. Even the US team is made up of the best we have to offer. Players will get out of their deathbeds or skip their weddings to put on their country's colors and head out on the pitch. This is a world war, and everyone wants to win at all costs. Individualistic play will be swiftly punished by 3 defenders swarming on you and stealing the ball. Stupid play will result in yellow cards and own goals. Every country puts out its own dream team, and just about all of them can pull off something big.

Finally, there's the sport itself. Having played it when I was younger, I can tell you that all your preconceived notions about it are probably wrong. Americans consider an exciting game one that is high scoring and full of one handed catches or acrobatic dunks (thank the joke formerly known as "SportsCenter" for that). In a soccer match, there won't be many goals scored, and depending on how many shots are taken the likelihood of a fantastic highlight is pretty small. But what you will get is 45 minutes of non-stop action, followed by a 15 minute cooldown period, and then 45 more continuous minutes. There are no TV timeouts, no mound visits, no huddles, no garbage time, or any other lengthy interruption in play. The skill that these players have, and the countless momentum shifts make for a very exciting game once you get past the US bias and also realize the huge field makes it look slower than it actually is.

So again, while I won't scold you for not watching it, I will encourage you to give it a try and check out our boys against Ghana on Thursday. So what if the US might not win it all or even advance to the elimination round? Your other options are 1) baseball which is dominated by Cubans, 2) the NBA Finals, where the best player is from Germany, or 3) the Stanley Cup Finals, featuring EDMONTON, ALBERTA, CANADA against a Carolina Hurricanes team, of which only a third of the players are American. The world is watching, and we should be, too.

Building a Better Mousetrap

2006-06-04T20:08:00.000-04:00

I had this great rant lined up about how much of an idiot Dave Littlefield was. For the past few weeks he had been insisting that once Joe Randa was healthy, he would immediately become the starter again, and Freddy "Dirty" Sanchez (God that is such a great nickname for him) would be relegated to the bench. Never mind the fact that Randa is 36 and was hitting a sad .221 before his injury, while Sanchez, 28, quickly shot up the list of NL batting leaders and coming into today was 2nd in the league with a .351 average. Littlefield just wanted to save face by not keeping a guy making $4 million on the bench. Benching Sanchez for Randa would have gone down as one of the dumbest moves in sports history, and the ultimate slap in the face to a loyal but tired group of Pirate fans...if there are any left.

But earlier today Littlefield came to his senses (or realized he'd be shot) and announced that Sanchez would still be the starting third baseman when Randa came off the DL. We can all breathe a sigh of relief, but don't make it too long or relieving. Littlefield is still the Pirates' GM, and his next bonehead decision can happen any day.

This whole third base fiasco could have easily been avoided back in 2003 if Littlefield would have signed Aramis Ramirez instead of handing him over to the Cubs. In return for Ramirez, who has been the power hitter we so deeply miss, the Pirates got Jose "Human Windmill" Hernandez, Bobby Hill, and minor league pitcher Matt Bruback. Bruback never made it to the majors, and Hill and Hernandez did, although their play indicated that no one had told them about it.

Sanchez was also the product of a really stupid trade. Originally, the Pirates had traded Scott Sauerbeck and Mike Gonzalez (yeah, our closer now) to Boston for Brandon Lyon and some other guy that never played here. As soon as Lyon got here, we learned that he had a serious injury and wasn't going to be able to pitch. So, we traded him and Jeff Suppan back to Boston for Sanchez and Gonzalez. The point of the past two paragraphs is if it wasn't for two awful moves by Littlefield, the third base problem we have had for the past few years never would have existed.

There are countless other bad moves that Littlefield has made that have far outweighed the good ones (and by good ones I mean the Bay/Perez for Giles deal). There are the acquisitions of Chris Stynes, Ron Villone, Randall Simon, Benito Santiago, Raul Mondesi, Randall Simon AGAIN, Jeromy Burnitz, Jeff D'Amico, Brian Boehringer, Ty Wigginton, Ruben Mateo, and Michael Restovich. And there are also the horrible evaluations of minor league talent. We lost Jose Bautista (and miraculously got him back), and Chris Shelton in one rule 5 draft. While Shelton has cooled off from a ridiculous start, he is still a star in the making, and one that would look good in black and gold. Littlefield also gave up on Duaner Sanchez and Chris Young (who two-hit the Buccos today. Karma's a bitch). Young, a 6'11" pitcher, was sent to Montreal for Matt Herges, who performed well in spring training but was cut anyways. The Pirate farm system, once a bright ray of hope a few years ago, is now full of 26 and 27 year old "prospects" who at this point in their careers have virtually no chance of making it to the big show. The few decent prospects the Pirates do have are still a couple years away from PNC Park.

Littlefield was given some slack his first couple years because of the limited budget and the mess that Cam Bonifay had made, but now this is truly his team, and he must be held accountable for it. Serious changes need to be made, the first of which is for him to back off and let Jim Tracy manage. Littlefield's job is to assemble the roster, not determine who plays and who will make him look as though his moves are justified.

Second, he has to stop with this rent-a-wreck crap. I'm sick of seeing him wheel these 37 year old has beens in every year, only to watch them hit in the low .230s but still play every day. After this year, Craig Wilson, Burnitz, Randa, and Kip Wells should be gone, which is an extra $18 million they'll have (factor in Sean Casey possibly being gone, and that number goes up to $26 million. Even if they do bring him back, it will be at a much lower salary than the $8 million he's getting now). The Pirates' play in recent weeks has shown that the young, cheap players that are locked up for a few more years are talented and can get better. So with this extra money and the added revenue from the All-Star game, the Pirates will have the ability to sign a good, YOUNG player that is either in his prime or about to enter it. Granted, this is all dependent on McClatchy and Nutting not pocketing all the profits and actually showing some baseball knowledge, which considering those to jagoffs is a strong possibility.

Finally, Littlefield needs to make a move this year and somehow trade for a star player. And I have the perfect guy:

Dontrelle Willis.

He's only making $4.5 million this year, and can be signed long term with that aforementioned extra money. He's only 23, and a former rookie of the year (and unlike previous ROYs the Pirates got, this one was within the last 20 years) with a World Series ring and 2nd place showing in the Cy Young voting. As an added bonus, the Pirates have exactly what the Marlins want: a couple decent young prospects. I can easily see a Craig Wilson and Sean Burnett deal for Willis. Hell, throw in Chris Duffy too. Maybe a change of scenery is what he needs.

Maybe this is wishful thinking, but that's all we have left. It's easy to blame the owners for all these problems, and most of it is their fault, but Littlefield doesn't get away unscathed anymore. He has made some really bad moves in his time here, and a lot of them are entirely his fault. Other GMs have done more with less, and it seems as though Littlefield keeps doing less with more. The All-Star game won't come here and make this franchise money every year, so it's time to put together a winner now. Any delay, and you'll see a mutiny.

The Curse of Bonds

2006-05-19T18:39:00.000-04:00

It's been a while again, but I'm back. First of all, Kamo's piece below this one is magnificent, and it made me laugh my ass off. Second...well actually that thing about Kamo was all I had to say. On with the show!

There was an article in my local paper the other day on how cursed the Pirates had been since Barry Bonds left the Pirates. I first thought of this over four years ago after the first time the Pats beat the Steelers in the AFC title game, but I never put it in writing.

Until now. Hide your children, folks, for the story I am about to tell is one so terrifying, so hideous, it can only come from a guy that lives in New Kensington. I give you..

The Curse of Bonds

It was a dark night on October 14, 1992, but in Pittsburgh things could not have been brighter. The Steelers were a surprising 4-2 in their first season under Bill Cowher, thanks in large part to Barry Foster running wild on his opponents. The Penguins were just starting the 1992-93 season, and expectations were very high after winning the Stanley Cup the previous two years. And the Pirates were in their third straight National League Championship Series. Led by Barry Bonds, who won his second NL MVP award in three years, and other stars like Andy van Slyke, Doug Drabek, Jose Lind, and Jay Bell, the Pirates had won 3 consecutive NL East division championships and in the previous two years came close to winning the pennant and advancing to the World Series.

But underneath all the wins and celebrations, there was a dark secret. The team was losing money at an alarming rate, and after the season it would be dismantled. Bonds was asking too high a price and secretly was intent on going to the Giants, the team for which his father played. Other soon-to-be free agents Lind and Drabek would also be too expensive to keep. The outlook for the next couple years looked grim, as the team was preparing for a rebuilding mode.

It's now the bottom of the 9th on that ill-fated night. The Pirates entered the last half inning with a 2-0 lead. Doug Drabek was pitching a hell of a game, and all over Pittsburgh people were eagerly anticipating that third out when their beloved Pirates would erase the past two years and finally make it to the Series. But things began to unravel. Jose Lind, widely considered to be the best defensive second baseman at the time, uncharacteristically booted a ground ball. Fast forward two outs and one run later. Stan Belinda came in for Drabek and is now in the biggest save situation of his career. David Justice is on third, and Sid Bream, a veteran of many years who by then was one of the slowest players in baseball, was on second. Up to bat was pinch hitter Francisco Cabrera. Cabrera was not known for his power (most home runs in a season: seven). Centerfielder van Slyke knew this, and motioned for Bonds to play up in left a little bit. Bonds, always the stubborn one, ignored him, and it seems as though the fates chose that moment to spin the thread of the Pirates' doom.

Cabrera hit a weak blooper to shallow left, right where van Slyke wanted Bonds to stand, and right where he could have easily caught the title-clinching out. As Bonds charged to get the ball, Justice scored to tie it, and Bream hobbled around third towards the plate. Bonds got to the ball and fired it towards catcher Mike LaValliere. However, it was off target, and LaValliere had to stretch to make the tag on the sliding Bream.

He was one inch too short, and one second too late. The fans at Fulton County Stadium went berserk. van Slyke, in what has been the most enduring image of the past 14 years of Pirate baseball, sat in center with a look on his face so lost, so distant, so despondent, you would have thought someone had just shot him. Bonds stood in left, half thinking that he had once again choked in the postseason, half thinking that he was gonna sign the biggest contract in baseball history in a month or so. People in Pittsburgh spent the next few days in mourning, literally acting as though the president had been assassinated. The way the game and season ended hurt a lot, but what made it worse back then was the rebuilding plan and the prospect of a couple years of bad baseball before they are good again. What people didn't know was the snowball effect it would have not only on the Pirates, but the entire sports landscape in Pittsburgh. Here is a year-by-year breakdown of the curse's manifestation.

1993

January 9: The Steelers, after clinching AFC home field advantage with an 11-5 record, host their first playoff game in ten years. A then-record crowd at Three Rivers Stadium watches black and gold get destroyed by the eventual conference champs, 24-3.

May 14: The Penguins, loaded with Hall of Famers and owners of both the best record in the league and the longest winning streak in NHL history, lose in the second round of the playoffs. In game 7 against the Islanders, offensively inept David Volek became Cabrera on skates when he scored the clinching goal in overtime.

1994

January 8: The Steelers clinch a wild card spot, but stumble late in their first round game against an aging Joe Montana and the Chiefs, and lose by 3 in overtime.

1995

January 15: The Steelers once again clinch home field advantage, but this time they win their first round game and advance to the AFC Championship. In front of yet another Three Rivers record crowd, the 9.5 point favorite Steelers collapse in the second half and lose to the upstart Chargers. The loss was one of the most painful losses in team history.

1996

January 28: The Steelers finally make it to the Super Bowl, where after a shaky start they come within 3 points of the heavily favored Cowboys. After recovering an onside kick that seemed to destroy any remaining momentum "America's Team" had, Neil O'Donnell throws his second horrible interception to relatively unknown CB Larry Brown. Brown would win MVP honors, O'Donnell would never come close to success again, and the Steelers perfect Super Bowl record was gone.

October: The Pirates enjoy their fourth straight losing season with no end of the streak in sight,

and the Penguins embark on yet another season in which they will make the playoffs and ultimately lose again.

1997

January 5: The Steelers win their division again, and after destroying the Colts in the first

round, are a road victory against New England away from once again hosting the AFC title game against the surprising Jaguars. In a dense fog the Pats score early and score often, clubbing the Steelers 28-3.

October: In what was one of the most surprising stories of the year. The Pirates stay in contention for the NL Central title all season. Highlights included a combined extra inning no hitter by Francisco Cordova and Ricardo Rincon. However, they stumble late in the season, and finish 5.5 games back of the Astros.

December 31: Pitt football makes its first bowl game in 8 years under new coach Walt Harris, but lose to Souther Mississippi, 41-7.

1998

January 11: In Kordell Stewart's first season as a starter, he leads the Steelers to yet another AFC title game. He has an awful game, though, and the Steelers lose to the eventual Super Bowl champ Denver. This is the start of "Slash's" ugly, ugly downfall.

November 26: The refs screw up a coin toss, costing the Steelers a Thanksgiving Day win in Detroit. They would lose their last five games, miss the playoffs, and at 7-9, finish under .500 for the first time under Cowher.

1999

The whole year wasn't very good. The Pirates stunk, the Steelers stunk even worse, and the Pens once again didn't do well in the playoffs. Are you noticing that since 10/14/92 there have been ample opportunities to win big games, and Pittsburgh teams tanked each time? That's the curse, folks. Moving on...

2000

September 24: The Steelers are now 0-3 after losing at home to the Titans.

October 1: The Pirates' last game at Three Rivers is a loss to the Cubs. While tears were shed and fond memories shared, the optimism over their new home far overshadowed any bad feelings. With PNC Park came the hope of a contending team and an escape from the hell in which fans had suffered for the past eight seasons.

December: Mario Lemieux announces he is coming out of retirement, and when he does he immediately becomes a scoring machine and lights a fire in the asses of his teammates. However, the Pens would just toy with us, as they advance to the conference finals in 2001 and lose to the Devils.

2001

This year could be summed up in one sentence: The Pirates signed Derek Bell, and went on to lose 100 games in PNC Park's inaugural season.

2002

January 27: The Steelers (sigh) clinch home field in Heinz Field's first season, and lose in the AFC title game to eventual Super Bowl champ New England. The game is marred by horrible special teams, and yet another Kordell Stewart choking after a promising regular season.

2003

January 11: After a legendary comeback win against the Browns in the first round, the Steelers lose to the Titans in an overtime thriller. The Titans Joe Nedney missed his first attempt at the game winning FG, but Steeler CB Dewayne Washington ran into him, giving Nedney five yards and another chance. He made good on this one, and once again the Steelers went home earlier than they should have.

July 23: The Pirates have some older players, but they are producing, and at this point still have a somewhat realistic chance at the NL wild card. These hopes are shattered on this day when the Bucs trade (give away) Kenny Lofton and Aramis Ramirez for three minor league scrubs, including Bobby Hill. Lofton and Ramirez would help lead the Cubs to the NLCS, while the Pirates...well you know.

December 28: The Steelers' season mercifully ends in Baltimore with a 13-10 loss. Tommy Maddox has a horrible season, and one of its repercussions is the 11th pick in the 2004 draft, which would be used on a man named Roethlisberger.

Oh, in case you were wondering, that last Pens mention in 2000 was the last time they made the playoffs. They have been beyond horrible ever since, and only now are showing some decent signs of hope. Of course, none of this will matter if they don't get an arena. They'll be Kansas City's problem.

2004

September 19: A sign of hope! Maddox is injured against Baltimore and Roethlisberger replaces him. He starts the next week, and the 13 after it, winning them all. The Steelers finish the 2004 season 15-1, the best record ever for an AFC team. Big Ben is easily named rookie of the year, and expectations are once again high in the Steel City.

2005

January 1: Pitt makes it to the Fiesta Bowl only cause every other team in the Big East was that bad. They are embarassed and exposed as frauds by Utah, who dismantles them in a 35-7 blowout that wasn't as close as the score indicated.

January 23: You guessed, it. The Steelers lose another AFC title game at home.

December 4: The Steelers are 6-5 and in danger of missing out on the playoffs after a loss to the Bengals. Things turn around, though, and they enter the AFC playoffs as a 6 seed with an 11-5 record. In the opening round they embarass division rival Cincy, 31-17, and go to Indianapolis to face the #1 seeded Colts, a team that had stomped them earlier in the year.

2006: The Year the Curse Was Broken

January 15: The curse once again shows its ugly face, as Jerome Bettis fumbles the ball at the Indy 1 yard line. With the Steelers already up late in the game, a Bettis TD would have clinched the shocking upset in which the Colts were outplayed in every facet of game. Colts DB Nick Harper recovered the fumble and had a clear path to the end zone.

But Ben Roethlisberger tripped him up, and in doing so he broke the curse and changed Pittsburgh sports forever.

The Steelers held on to win, and three weeks later they would hoist their fifth Lombardi Trophy. The Barry Bonds Curse, which had prevented any Pittsburgh team from winning a big game since 1992, is a thing of the past. And good riddance, cause it was a bad one, maybe the worst because of its universal effect on all things Pittsburgh. Boston fans cried about Babe Ruth cursing their Red Sox, but in between Series wins the Celtics won 16 NBA titles (including 8 in a row at one point), the Bruins won 5 Stanley Cups, and the Pats won two Super Bowls. While Cubs fans were whining about their team not making a World Series in 50+ years, they missed out on Michael Jordan owning the NBA for the better part of 14 years, the Bears having one of the greatest teams ever in 1986, and the Blackhawks being a good team up until recently. Pittsburgh fans only had to endure 14 years of misery, but it was spread out over all the teams, so it felt like a whole lot longer.

And things are not perfect yet. The Pens are still a year or two away from contending, and the Pirates are still the biggest joke in baseball, especially this year. Someday, and I hope it is soon, we can forget this curse ever existed, and when we think of Pittsburgh, we can truly call it the City of Champions.

Crystal Ball Gazing

2006-05-08T13:48:00.000-04:00

With the Pirates hopes of having a winning season in 2006 effectively ending within the first week of games, it is time to look ahead to what will happen for the remainder of 2006 and what Pirates General Manager Dave Littlefield and owner Kevin McClatchy have laid out for the team...

July 21st, 2006: In a move that some will question years down the road, the Pirates decide to trade Jason Bay and Jeromy Burnitz to the Yankees for 2002 Opening Day Starter Ron Villone and the bust of Babe Ruth's head from centerfield in Yankee Stadium. Littlefield will defend his decision to trade the player that some consider to be the franchises cornerstone (Bay) by stating, "The fact that we could get a guy like Villone was big, but getting the bust of Babe Ruth? C'mon, that is like winning the World Series."

July 22nd, 2006: Citing the need for a power hitter now that Bay is gone, the Pirates move Nate McLouth to left and sign Joey Porter to a 1 year deal to play centerfield and bat 4th. Yes, the Steelers' Joey Porter.

August 18th, 2006: The Pirates, coming off of a 37 game losing streak, decide not to bring any prospects up for the month of September and rather play out the season with who they currently have. The reason for this is simple- The Pirates AAA-affiliate in Indianapolis is on the verge of making the playoffs in the International League and many of the players are refusing to put on a Pirates uniform. Chris Duffy, who started 2006 in Pittsburgh, had this to say on the incident: "Listen, playing in the Major Leagues is something we all dream of, but to be honest, the best day I had this season was May 15th when I got sent down to Indianapolis. I finally knew what it was like to have a winning streak and I was able to play in front of more than a few hundred diehard fans a night." Duffy is subsequently fined and is forced to finish the season wearing a Pirates uniform as punishment for the remarks.

August 19th, 2006: McClatchy, scrambling for players and hoping to boost attendence, announces that the Pirates will be running a promotion in which at every home game 10 lucky fans will get to actually play due to the fact that no minor leaguers will accept a call-up. He calls it, "Play for the Pirates" but no one really thinks it will work because they are unsure if 10 people will show up for the next game.

September 12th, 2006: In what is believed to be the oldest person to ever play in a Major League game, 87-year old Ethel Mae Roberts of Wexford is called in to play first base after Craig Wilson is hit with a pitch in the 4th inning. Roberts, in a strange turn of events, winds up going 2-2 in the game and is signed to a free agent deal afterwards by the Boston Red Sox. When asked why the Pirates did not make an attempt to sign such Ethel Mae, Dave Littlefield simply puts his head in his hands and begins to cry.

September 27th, 2006: 11-year old Kenny Thompson of Cannonsburg is hit with a 97 mph fastball in the face by Roy Oswalt causing his career to be put in jeopardy. Oswalt offers no apologies afterwards simply saying, "He should've got off my plate. Punk." The beaning of Thompson, a 6th grader, prompts Pirates management to suspend the, "Play for the Pirates" promotion.

October 1st, 2006: Due to the fact that the "Play for the Pirates" promo is suspended the Pirates average a mere 31 people per game for their final homestand of the season. They limp home to a Major League worst 44-118 record but optimism abounds for 2007 as manager Jim Tracy proclaims that the team is looking at ways to make itself more competitive.

November 5th, 2006: Littlefield and McClatchy get to work on shaping the Pirates 2007 roster in hopes of besting the 44 wins the club posted in 2006. McClatchy, hoping to get some star power to Pittsburgh, goes out and signs Jeromy Burnitz away from the Yankees. He is so happy about the signing that he renames the rightfield wall at PNC Park "Burnitz' Biotch" and throws a party for himself.

November 10th, 2006: In a disturbing turn of events that proves Littlefield is losing his mind, he wears a pair of hooker boots and lipstick into Tom's Diner on West Liberty at 3 AM. He is in turn beat to within an inch of his life by two Pirate season-ticket holders and robbed of $35 in cash. The next day McClatchy stands behind his GM and promises that, "This will all take care of itself."

November 29th, 2006: In a cost-cutting maneuver, the Pirates trade Jack Wilson, Craig Wilson, Jose Hernandez, and Roberto Hernandez to the Dodgers for righthanded pitcher Jae Seo. When pressed as to exactly why, McClatchy said it was all a matter of simple economics: "Think about it for a second folks- you have 4 guys and 2 last names. What does this mean to us from a financial standpoint? Well, it is standard procedure for us to put the player's last name on a jersey, but when you talk about having to put the first letter of a guy's name on his jersey too? That is some extra money that we just weren't ready to spend. And for you wise guys who are going to ask why trade all four guys and not just one, the last names Wilson and Hernandez are pretty common- not to mention that Hernandez is pretty damn long. So to ensure we spend the minimal on jersey lettering, we are going to eliminate names that are longer than 7 letters."

December 3rd, 2006: Staying true to his word, McClatchy announces that Mike Gonzalez, Ryan Vogelsong, Jose Bautista, Jose Castillo, Bryan Bullington, Tom Gorzelanny, Mike Johnston, Josh Sharpless, Craig Stansberry, John Van Benschoten, and Yurendell de Caster are all released or traded due to the dreaded, "7 Letter Rule."

December 15th, 2006: The Pirates turn down a trade to acquire slugger Adam Dunn from the Reds for Jae Seo because of the fact that Dunn's last name has more letters in it than Seo's does.

December 31st, 2006: McClatchy and Littlefield hold a press conference announcing the beginning of a new 5 year plan for rebuilding the team in hopes of winning a title by 2011. McClatchy says he plans on slashing the team budget so much that for many road games the team will have to travel by school bus or even bicycle. He also says that because of the increasing costs of electric and water, the Pirates will play all their home games during the day and their will be only porta-johns to use instead of restrooms.

Ah, the future looks so bright... until next time, enjoy watching Oliver Perez self-destruct and seeing Santonio Holmes fly by people at mini-camp.

Will You, Now?

2006-04-23T18:55:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, I haven't been on here in a while. I guess I got tired of doing this for a while and needed a break, but now I'm back and ready to complain about stuff!

A while back I wrote a little piece on how the Penguins were arguably the worst-run franchise in pro sports. Well, I should have waited until after opening day of the baseball season to write that, as a new contender has arrived. And, as an added bonus, they are also right here in the Burgh. The Pittsburgh Pirates (what, you thought it might have been the Steelers? They just won the Super Bowl, dumbass) have done what no one thought was possible: take the miserable run they have been having for the past 13+ years and make it worse. I remember around this time last year writing a similar piece, and something tells me I'll be doing it the last week of April 2007 too.

With today's 7-2 loss to the Astros, in which Craig Biggio sent Paul Maholm's first pitch of the game over the U.S./Mexico border, the Buccos are now 5-15, thanks in large part to that 0-7 start to the season. Sure, they have had some bright spots, like the offensive explosion during the first two weeks that has since tapered off a bit. In fact, they were among the league leaders in home runs, runs, and hits. But while the offense was scoring 6 or 7 runs a game, the pitching was giving up 8 or 9. Ian Snell was in danger of being sent down to AAA after only three starts until he had a decent outing Friday night. Zach Duke got embarassed at the home opener, but then came back with a beautiful performance against Chicago in his next outing. Maholm has struggled mightily and could be in Indy when Kip Wells returns. Victor Santos has primarily pitched like the 4-13 scrub he was last year.

And then there's Oliver Perez. After the 2004 season everyone thought the sky was the limit for him. He went 12-10 on a lousy Pirate team and led the majors in strikeouts per 9 innings. His 2005 outing was a far cry from that, thanks to not exercising in the offseason and then kicking a laundry cart and breaking his toe in July. He came back this year in good health, and after striking out 9 in 5 1/3 innings in the home opener, everyone thought the monster from '04 was back. He wasn't, and his next two outings were absolute disasters. His velocity is gone, his control is shaky, and his ERA is a horrid 6.75. Now, no one knows if Perez will ever regain his old form, as it seems like he's a head case that was doomed after that great '04.

Because of the starters' horrid performances, the bullpen has been greatly overworked, and they too are performing poorly. Ryan Vogelsong has been especially bad, and I have no idea why they even brought him back. For every good outing he has, he has two or three where he walks the first three batters then gives up a double. Damaso Marte has been shaky, as has John Grabow and newcomer Matt Capps, who desperately needs some more minor league experience before getting battered into oblivion up here. Roberto Hernandez, Solomon Torres, and Mike Gonzalez have been solid if unspectacular.

As I said before, the offense started out strong, but even then there were glaring weaknesses. Chris Duffy is hitting nowhere near as well as he was in his brief time in the majors last year. Ryan Doumit and Humberto Cota are both hitting dreadfully and catching even worse (a real bad thing when your position is catcher). Jeromy Burnitz has struck out 18 times, with Jason Bay not too far behind him. Bay, for some reason, seems very apprehensive to swing this year, as evidenced by his last at-bat last night, in which he watched three strikes go by to end the game. Joe Randa has been subpar, and he is certainly not doing anything that the younger Freddy Sanchez couldn't be doing right now. The same goes for Jose "The Human Windmill" Hernandez, whose presence on the Pirate roster absolutely baffles me. He has always been a strikeout machine, and the last time he was here in Pittsburgh (our prize for giving away Aramis Ramirez) he was total garbage. Sean Casey was doing okay, until breaking a bone in his back in a freak play at first. He'll be out six or seven more weeks, essentially making his acquisition a bust. The only bright spot has been Craig Wilson, the benchwarmer who deserved to play who has made the most of his opportunity this year. He definitely needs at bats if the Pirates want to go anywhere this year.

Of course, they won't go anywhere this year as long as Kevin McClatchy and G. Ogden Nutting own this team. Their inability or reluctance to spend money on a top-tier player has destroyed this once proud franchise. I'm sick of hearing about this youth movement we have. Young players are good, but there isn't anyone in the Pirates' minor league system that can propel this team to a championship. They need a guy that can hit .330 with 35-40 homers, or someone that hits .270 but 40-50 homers, or someone that can hit .360 and always be a threat to reach base and then do further damage. All the Pirates have coming up are .280/20 HR guys, which just will not do in this day and age. The Pirates did have two guys that could fit that star player mold, but we gave them away. Aramis Ramirez had a tremendous 2001 with the Bucs, and after a bad 2002 was showing some promising signs in 2003. Then we gave him away to the Cubs in what was nothing more than a salary dump. He has been great with them, and we have made miserable attempts to replace him (Chris Stynes, Ty Wigginton, Hernandez...ugh).

And now we come to Chris Shelton. Now playing for Detroit, he hit like .780 the first week of the season, and is among the league leaders in home runs. He used to be in the Pirates' system, until he was unnecessarily exposed in the 2003 Rule 5 draft. Earlier this week Dave Littlefield admitted he made a mistake with Shelton, and then tried to justify it by saying he wasn't going to put up good power numbers and his defense was shaky. Now, while in the minors with us, Shelton hit 20-25 homers a year, and showed the potential for more. As for defense, poor fielding didn't stop this organization from giving Jason Kendall $10 million a year, and he couldn't throw my mother out if she stole second.

I'm sick of writing about this. Every damn year it's the same thing - young players getting rocked, and has-beens showing their ages. Go to a game now and it's painfully obvious the few fans that are there aren't there to see baseball. They want the fireworks, the view, the pierogi races, and the bobbleheads. I still go to watch the game, and I try to tell every kid around me about what this team used to be like. None of them know about the history of the Pirates, about Honus Wagner and Clemente and Stargell and Forbes Field. All they have ever known is failure and in-game distractions from the atrocities going on in the field.

McClatchy and Co. have once again come up with a nifty marketing campaign that takes the focus away from baseball and puts it on the attractions at PNC Park. "We Will" amaze, entertain, blah blah blah. It's all a bunch of crap, because all I want them to do is win, and then everything else will take care of itself.

We, the Pirate fans, are just as responsible for this failure as the owners, because by going out to the ballpark every night we are perpetuating this misery. Why would they want to spend more on a winner when we are shelling out tons of money to watch an awful team? I think enough is enough, and if I'm right, after the All-Star Game people will stop going and send a message. McClatchy, you have your "We Will" campaign, and now I propose we fans have one of our own:

WE CAN'T take this anymore.
WE DON'T appreciate this franchise being ruined.
YOU WILL assemble a winning team or sell them to someone that can, or
WE WON'T come back.

5 Things I Am Pretty Sure I Think

2006-04-04T23:35:00.000-04:00

by Kamo

I am sure you are all wondering the same thing right now: "Where in the name of sweet Gretchen Bleiler's ass have you been?" For my long hiatus I apologize and will only offer this: Do not- stressing the not end of things- drink 20 Guinness beers, go bowling, and use a ball fit for a first grader because the consequences can be tragic for your fingers. Anyhow, a lot has happened since my last reading from the Book of Jason, so for all of you members of my fan club out there, he are 5 Things I Am Pretty Sure I Think...

#5 I am pretty sure I think that the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to lose a ton of money on and have fun doing it. I mean, you thought casinos were fun? To hell with that shit because where else can you put your money on a sure thing (Thanks UCONN- losers) lose it, and still have a blast? Within the brackets I played I picked different games here and there but there were 3 constants: UCONN to win it all, Texas to play for it all, and the Big East to show up at the Final Four. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The Huskies and Longhorns basically made a fool of me with their stunning losses to George Mason (more on them in a second) and LSU respectively while the Big East played more like their gridiron counterparts and were largely ineffective in doing so. Shit, the biggest win the Big East had was Georgetown beating Ohio State in the second round while the "powerhouses" of the league basically got outplayed by lesser teams in getting beat. But like I said, in all honesty, who cares? I can realistically say I enjoyed watching George Mason and LSU screw me out of a ton of money because they represent what is good about sports. Everyone loves the underdog, and for George Mason in particular, they played the role perfectly in beating three former champions on their way to Indianapolis. So yes, I am a little more poor in the pocket than I was three weeks ago but who cares- the over/under on the Buccos wins this season was 76 and Jason has the over. Easy money.

#4 I am pretty sure I think that while on the subject of the NCAA Tournament, I should congratulate Florida on a job well done, but one thing remains as far as I am concerned: Joakim Noah, I hate you. Now I could do an entire, "10 Reasons Why I Hate You Joakim Noah" type list but that would be petty and a waste of time. Instead I will only say I hate you for a number of reasons, but mostly because you have a striking resemblence to a certain 80's movie star...

Joakim Noah meet...

E.T. the Extra Terrestrial.

Now, some people might look at this and call me an asshole, but just look for a moment- go ahead, look at it........ and upon further review, I am right. Joakim Noah is not the son of a tennis star and a former Miss Sweden, but he is really the offspring of E.T. the Extra Terrestrial. Noah's chest pounding and constant yelling during games would be enough to convince me that he is of another planet, but looking at the pictures the resemblence is almost scary. So, Joakim "E.T." Noah, I despise you and everything you stand for. Why don't you go play tennis.

#3 I am pretty sure I think that Spring Ball has opened up at most schools and what a difference a year makes for a certain team that calls South Bend, Indiana home. Last year at this time Charlie Weis was taking over a team that for all intents and purposes was left for dead by most people due to a certain asshole's inability to do his job. Fast forward to now and what you have is the making of something special for the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. 17 starters return on both sides of the ball, with the most significant returnees being All-American candidates Jeff Samardizjia and Brady Quinn on offense and emerging star Tommy Zbikowski on defense. I for one hope that Tommy Z uses any opposing wide receiver who makes it his way this season as his own personal bitch and gives them a beat down schoolyard style, but that will have to wait. As for Quinn and Samardzjia, they have the opportunity to become the most profilic aerial tandem in school history. Not bad for a place that produced guys named Montana, Theismann, Bertelli, Brown, Ismail, Mirer, Hanratty, and Seymour. Looking ahead to 2006, Notre Dame's schedule is typically loaded all over with Georgia Tech, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State, Boston College, UCLA, and of course, USC all making their way onto the slate. I suppose the key is getting off to a good start and sustaining momentum over the course of a 12 game season. Looking over their schedule, there are very few places where a letdown will still produce a win, but of course that is what is supposed to happen at Notre Dame. I will be attending the Spring Game (also known as the REAL Blue-Gold Game) on April 22 but until then, here come the fucking Irish.

#2 I am pretty sure I think that Oliver Perez looked like his old self on Monday against the Brewers. He pitched into the sixth inning and, as evidence of his 9 strikeouts, was hitting the strike zone with regularity. If not for the bullpen completely blowing the game, the Pirates would have won the opener in classic Jim Tracy "smallball" fashion. But back to Perez for a moment because for the Pirates to avoid winning less than 76 games this season, he is going to have to be a number of things to a number of people. Firstly, Perez is really the only pitcher in their rotation who has any semblence of what it is like to taste success over a full season. Granted Zach Duke, Paul Maholm, and Sean Burnett all pitched well in their respective second halves of the season, but Perez will have to be a leader for the young guys which is to say the Pirates are more or less putting the future of those guys squarely in his hands. Considering how young Perez is himself, this is a risky proposition to say the least but I will take the wait-and-see approach there. Secondly, more often than not Perez will have to be a stopper of sorts and be able to halt a losing streak here and there. Again, another risky sitution considering his wild inconsistency at times last season could be a recipe for disaster. Naturally the pessimist in me is bringing all this out, but when your favorite baseball team hasn't had a winning season since you were in grade school that kind of tends to happen.

#1 I am pretty sure I think that Barry Bonds is a cheater who should have every record he owns be taken away (ditto that for guys like Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa) and he should be banned from the game for the remainder of time. For someone who has tarnished his image to such a point of no return, Bonds seems to act as if he doesn't have a care in the world. He answers, "No comment" for pretty much every question and in the off chance that King Barry actually does answer something, he does it with a smirk and a snide remark. The issue at hand for Major League Baseball is that Bonds is on the verge of breaking the most exciting record in baseball and he is doing so under a cloud of suspicion that he is more juiced up than Hulk Hogan. What's sad is that, in the scheme of things, Bonds' and his steroid issue should take a backseat to the fact that he is a racist, wife beater, and adulterer who has no regard for anyone but himself. What you basically have behind the bulked up body and jersey that reads, "Giants" across the chest is a man who, for all intents and purposes, is any average scumbag sitting in a regional jail. So Barry, I encourage you to walk away after this season like you intend on doing. By all means, fade away and just be an enigma that will forever remain as nothing more than someone who captured our attention with moonshots and incredible talent. But more than anything, when you leave take the back door out and don't look back.

Well, my fingers are having a tough time keeping up with my brain so that's it for today. To rehash what I said earlier, I apologize for extended hiatus and I hope to be able to stay healthy and preach the gospel according to Jason on a regular basis. Until next time, go to www.bradyforheisman.com to keep yourself sane.

2006 Baseball Preview

2006-04-02T13:22:00.000-04:00

After months of non-stop Steeler coverage and missed Aaron Gray layups, it's finally baseball season. Even though the sport is in shambles thanks to a steroids scandal and an economic system worse than most former Soviet Union nations, there's still something special about the game. Don't believe me? Look at the Pirates. They've been awful for the past 13 seasons, yet here we are, still talking about them like they actually matter. This year, though, they have a chance to finish over .500. Of course, they need everything to go right for this to happen, and nothing ever goes right for them, but the possibility is still there. Since I don't have to leave to go watch WrestleMania for a couple more hours, I'll break down each position.

Catcher: Last year Ryan Doumit was brought up to fill in for the injured Benito Santiago, and did a pretty decent job. He and Humberto Cota will be solid if unspectacular behind the plate. Both have decent offensive skills, and while Cota is the better defensive player, Doumit should catch up to him and be the regular starter.

First Base: In the offseason the Buccos got local boy Sean Casey from the Reds. He only hit 9 home runs last year, but he had the 11th highest batting average in the NL. His power numbers should go up in the lefty-friendly PNC Park (plus, based on what he did here when he was with Cincy, he really likes this place), and he will be a dramatic upgrade defensively. What's more, he is one of the nicest and most respected people in the game, and his effect on the dynamics of the team, and the Pittsburgh community, could be immeasurable. If he falters or if the Pirates trade him, there's Craig Wilson on the bench and the monster Brad Eldred in Indianapolis.

Second Base: Jose Castillo is considered by some to be the best defensive 2B in the game, and it's hard to argue that. He has at times shown great power and hitting ability, and at other times...he hasn't. If he can become a more consistent hitter, he can become the top second baseman in the game.

Shortstop: In 2004, Jack Wilson had a phenomenal year, with a .308 average and 201 hits. Then in 2005, a spring training appendectomy and the subsequent recovery helped bring his average down to .257. The real Jack Wilson is somewhere in between those numbers, and I think it's closer to the .308. Defensively he is unmatched among shortstops, as he is a regular on SportsCenter, WebGems, and any other Red Sox lovefest ESPN has. Look for Jack to have a big season in '06.

Third Base: The Pirates brought back Joe Randa, a star from the surprising 1997 team, to provide leadership and consistency at third base, which has been a glaring weakness since Aramis Ramirez was given to the Cubs in 2003. Randa had a good 2005, and a return to the Burgh may give him a boost and help him hit around .300 with 10-15 homers. If not, Jose Bautista will come up from Indy. He's been the third baseman of the future for a while now, and this spring has shown he might be a huge star real soon.

Right Field: Jeromy Burnitz is coming off a 24 home run season, which would have been second on the Pirates last year. Like Sean Casey this lefty will benefit from PNC Park, and will also provide solid defense in right. His age does raise some eyebrows, but if he can stay healthy he will be a productive player.

Center Field: Chris Duffy hit a stunning .341 in only 39 games last year, and he seems to be firmly entrenched in the top of the order for the Pirates. He has blazing speed, and made some incredible catches last year before getting hurt. Whether or not he is fully healthy remains to be seen, but the sky is the limit for him.

Left Field: Jason Bay. What more can you say? He hits for average, he hits for power, he can steal bases (20 for 21 last year), and he plays great defense. Thank God he was signed to an extension in the offseason. Even though he doesn't get any attention because he's a Pirate, Bay is an elite player in baseball, and with a better lineup around him, he could have a huge year.

Bench: The bench looks pretty good, with Freddy Sanchez, Craig Wilson, and youngster Nate McLouth all having experience as a starter for an extended period of time. When needed, they will do a fine job in whatever role they are needed. The only questionable bench player is Jose Hernandez. He has threatened the single season strikeout record on more than one occasion, and he was just awful the last time he was a Pirate (the aforementioned Aramis giveaway). A younger player may have been a much better option than the 36-year old Hernandez.

Starting Pitching: Oliver Perez, at 24 and with 89 starts under his belt, is the grizzled veteran to start the season. After a disappointing 2005, Perez looks ready to get back to his old dominating form. If he stays healthy and keeps his head on straight, he could be one of the top starters in baseball again. Zach Duke and Paul Maholm were amazing in limited action last year, but it is too soon to tell if they can continue on that. This will be their first full season as starters, and fatigue may be a huge factor come August and September. Ian Snell went from being a lock to start in AAA to making the rotation after a great spring, and Victor Santos is a huge question mark. He was awful last year, but he is still relatively young and inexperienced, and might get better. Kip Wells will be out until July, but this could be a good thing. He has all the tools to be a star, but he doesn't seem to have the mental aspect. Either way, this should be his last year as a Pirate.

Relief Pitching: This could be the Pirates' strong point. They are young, they are talented, and a lot of them are lefties. New closer Mike Gonzalez is awesome, and if he can handle the pressure he will be a huge success. Other youngsters John Grabow, Matt Capps, and Ryan Vogelsong are joined by veterans Roberto Hernandez, Damaso Marte, and Salomon Torres to provide some great help for when the starters struggle. This has the chance to be the best bullpen in baseball.

Prediction: Like I said before, a lot has to go right for the Pirates to have a winning season. The rotation is young, and the team's success depends heavily on them. The offense is improved, but they still won't be confused with Murderer's Row. The pieces are in place for a good team...eventually. This year won't be that magical over-.500 year, but they'll get close. Look for them to go 78-84 and finish fourth in the NL central.

Other Observations

BEST PLAYER: Albert Pujols. The guy is just amazing. He'll break a lot of records before he's through.

MOST OVERRATED PLAYER: Johnny Damon. The only reason people know about him is because he played for Boston and ESPN covered his hair and beard incessantly. All those loser Red Sox fans are crying because they lost him, but few realize that his replacement, Coco Crisp, is younger and put up better numbers last year.

BARRY BONDS: He won't break Hank Aaron's record. He'll either get hurt, get suspended for roids, or lose his mind and disappear from baseball forever. Either way, the sport will be better off for not having that creep around.

NO SUNSHINE IN FLORIDA: Just when you thought a team couldn't be worse than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, you have the Marlins, who have dismantled a championship team for the second time in a decade. Neither one of these teams will be anywhere near good, although Tampa has a new owner and some decent young players. Just when you thought things were bad in Pittsburgh, just be glad we aren't in Florida. The weather's nicer, but the baseball sucks.

SURPRISE TEAMS: Milwaukee Brewers. After going 81-81 last year, they'll get the wild card spot this year. They are young and improving rapidly.
Atlanta Braves. They're kinda surprising in that they are always expected to finally have a down year, but they never do. They will once again win the NL East, edging out the upstart Phillies.

DISAPPOINTING TEAMS: Mets (too old), Astros (too old in key positions), Cubs (never healthy).

WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS: I'm taking the White Sox over the Cardinals. Chicago has a lot of good players and they play well together. Rob Mackowiak will do a lot more for that team than you think. St. Louis will once again dominate the NL and lose in the postseason, which is starting to become a disturbing trend.

Until next time, raise the jolly roger and cheer on our Buccos. Later.

Not Like You Care What I Think, But...

2006-03-26T19:55:00.000-05:00

While my NCAA pools were all shot at about, oh, 4:00 last Thursday, this has been a great tournament to watch. There have been some magnificent games and unlikely outcomes. Seriously, if anyone picked George Mason in the Final Four, I'm gonna slap her (men would have overanalyzed this thing too much to pick that).
Had Jamie Dixon gone to Arizona State instead of deciding to sign a contract extension at Pitt, it may have sent the Panthers' surging basketball program back five or ten years. Word is that John Calipari was ready to leave Memphis to take the job, but if he didn't and Pitt had to go through another long search, it would have given the school the image of being a stepping stone for other programs and not an elite destination for coaches.
While watching the UCLA-Memphis snoozefest yesterday, I noticed how Bruin center Ryan Hollins went up for strong dunks nearly every time he got the ball in the paint. I hope Aaron Gray was watching that game, too, because he can and should be doing the same.
What ever happened to Kamo?
The deadly wreck at the IRL race today was beyond horrific. I think it just further proves the senselessness of a sport that is nothing more than several cars driving around in circles close to each other at 250 mph.
Sasha Cohen...hot.
The United States' recent performances in Olympic basketball, Olympic hockey, and the World Baseball Classic doesn't show how other nations have caught up to us as much as it shows how little we care about national pride in team sports. On paper we should still be dominating all three sports, but egos, selfishness, and the reluctance of owners to risk their players getting injured has kept us from putting out the best possible teams.
There is definitely more optimism for the upcoming Pirates' season than there has been in years. Hopefully it will translate to a better product and even a winning record.
Barry Bonds is the new O.J. Simpson. You can't prove it, but you know he did it, and it's a shame he won't get punished for it.
If I were Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, I would have released a statement ten minutes after Terrell Owens became a free agent saying, "Despite his tremendous talent, I refuse to sign Owens based solely on the incident a few years ago when he disrespected the organization and the city of Dallas." But then again, Jones would sign Hitler if he ran a good 40. Here's hoping the fans haven't forgotten and let Jones and Owens know about it.
Can we please stop talking about football until the draft, and then after that until July? I'm sick and tired of seeing Hines Ward and Bill Cowher get the first 15 minutes of coverage on the news every time one of them sneezes.
Pittsburgh really needs a new arena, and keeping the Penguins here will be an added benefit of getting it. There's actually an amazing young foundation somewhere in that mess. With Crosby, Fleury, and the arrival of Malkin (who everyone says is much better than one-man highlight reel Alexander Ovechkin), the Pens could be a playoff team for years.
I'm out of stuff to say. Baseball preview next weekend. Peace.

The Pitts

2006-03-19T17:55:00.000-05:00

Bradley? Pitt lost to fuckin' Bradley?

Not to take anything away from Bradley, but when you are a top 20 team and a darkhorse Final Four pick, you don't lose to teams from the Missouri Valley Conference. But then again, Pitt wasn't all they were cracked up to be. At the start of the season they were considered a rebuilding team, and a spot in the rankings and even one in the NCAA tournament seemed like long shots. Then, they started out 15-0 and were ranked as high as 9th. A good showing in the hellacious Big East, followed by a surprise run to the Big East tournament final that included a dominating win over then #2 Villanova, led to a slightly iffy 5 seed (shoulda been 4, maybe 3), but many people said they could go deep in the tournament.

They didn't, and today's loss to Bradley (Brad for short) exposed just about all of their weaknesses.

The most glaring, and ultimately most destructive weakness came in the form of a 7'0", 270 lb. center. Aaron Gray's performance late in the year, especially in the postseason, was dreadful. Often the biggest man on the court by a wide margin, Gray never used his size to assert himself, and missed countless layups. On more than one occasion Pitt could have tied the game or taken the lead if Gray made a free throw, and he would miss it. I know you're all thinking, "but what about all the rebounds he got? He had a bunch of double doubles." Most of those rebounds were from his missed layups. I don't know about you, but I'll take 35 points and 3 rebounds over 14 and 14 any day, especially when one person is the source of all those shots. Maybe if he would show some killer instinct and dunk the ball once in a while he would make more, and Pitt may still be alive.

Next is departing senior Carl Krauser, the Jekyll and Hyde of Pitt. He won a lot of games for Pitt in his four years, and his leadership and mentoring of younger players is immeasurable. However, he lost a lot of games for Pitt, too. Too often he would take matters into his own hands, and not put the ball in anyone else's. He would drive down to the baseline, get triple teamed, and either throw it away or force some horrid shot. Today he had six turnovers, and didn't score in the first half. Krauser let his emotions and streetball background take over sometimes, and the results were almost always disastrous. Have fun playing in Europe, Carl.

As always, Pittsburgh fans must question the moves and thought processes of the coach. Jamie Dixon, in only his third year as a head coach, has established himself as one of the best in the country. He is a hell of a coach, and Pitt should give him whatever he wants in order to keep him. That being said, he needs to work on his coaching style a bit. For starters, the team needs a lot more finesse. The physical, rough and tumble, low-scoring stuff will work fine in the Big East, which resembles Big Ten football, but when it comes tourney time, the refs won't put up with that. Today's game was proof of that, as the refs blew the whistle on every little bit of contact that was made. Pitt needs to be able to adapt to that and blow teams away with speed and flash when elbows and muscles won't work. Another problem I had with Dixon was his personnel decisions. He started John "Human Turnover Machine" DeGroat every game during the regular season. He only played the first few minutes, but his stats for that time were usually a point or two, and three or four turnovers. This was a major contribution to Pitt's many slow starts, particularly in big games. Imagine if they didn't make those turnovers and instead scored on those initial possessions. They would probably have a few more wins, some of which would have been over highly ranked teams.

Everyone's saying that based on this year's performance and with the amount of key players returning (all but Krauser), Pitt should be a pretty strong team in 2006-07. I'd be a little cautious when saying that. The Panthers have a lot of flaws that need addressed and corrected if they want to go any deeper in the NCAA's. For starters, Aaron Gray needs to get some fortitude and realize he's bigger than just about anyone in college basketball. Throw down some dunks, knock some guys on their asses and get that easy layup, and most importantly...MAKE THAT FUCKING LAYUP!. Watch some videos of Shaq. He's not really a good player, but he's so damn big that he can just bump people out of the way and get guaranteed buckets. Gray is a pretty big guy, and he can do something like that in college hoops.

Next, they need to play a stylish, but controlled game. They shouldn't abandon their physicality altogether, but they could be a lot better if they calmed down and added more dimensions to their game. Shoot better shots, shoot smarter shots, make smarter passes, and don't commit stupid fouls. This will help a lot in the Big East play (UConn is a prime example), and it will better prepare them for the officiating in the NCAA tournament.

Finally, play the best guys you have, Dixon. Don't start someone every game just because he is a senior, and don't be afraid to bench someone because he is struggling. I would love to see more of Sam Young and Keith Benjamin next year, especially Young. He is a phenomenal specimen, and is only going to get better.

Next year really does have the potential to be a great year for Pitt basketball, provided they don't run into Brad again. Not like it will matter though. Did you see the freshman class coming to Ohio State?

The Irish Buckeye Guide to March Madness Pools

2006-03-12T20:02:00.000-05:00

Me last year after Lousiville lost in the semifinals, costing me thousands (actually it's from sophomore year when I drank a fifth of Bacardi, but that's how I felt last year).

For many college basketball and gambling enthusiasts, today is a lot like Christmas. We find out the seedings and matchups for the NCAA tournament. For many, this is also the start of three weeks that prove to be very costly and very very frustrating. I am reminded of years past, when NCAA pools that were meant to be fun for all and even more fun for one turned into disasters. There was 2003, when Pitt was a #2 seed and nearly everyone picked them to win it all, and for good reason. However, they did their usual choke in the 3rd round, and everyone's pool was shot. It was such an ugly year, the winner was determined by the Elite Eight round, as only one person got one Final Four team right. On a more personal level, there was last year, where I would have won the St. Vincent pool for a few hundred, and probably would have won a lot of money in a much larger pool if Louisville would have beaten Illinois in the semis. They didn't, of course, and I won absolutely nothing.

The past 15 years of misery have taught me many lessons about filling out a bracket pool. The most important lesson is not to bother and save yourself the trouble, I guess, but we're all gluttons for punishment. So here are some tips for when you're picking the winners of a sport played by people younger than you:

1. NEVER PICK ARIZONA. This rule really doesn't apply this year since they had a bad season and only got an 8 seed, but until the end of time this is a good one to follow. Just about every year they enter the tournament on a roll and get a high seed, and just about every year everyone picks them to either go to the Final Four or win it all. And just about every year, they lose in the second or third round. The only time this didn't happen was in 1997, when no one picked them to do anything. Lute Olsen and company may be the biggest chokers in college basketball right now, and picking them to do anything different would be a waste of your money.

2. Your favorite/local team will not win, so don't pick them. Remember my NFL previews and reviews and whatever views? I never once mentioned the Steelers and the Super Bowl in the same sentence, because I knew that once I did they would be jinxed and not make it. The result of this superstition? One for the thumb, fools. Sadly, you have to fill in the winners of these things, so jinxing your team is inevitable. I have learned my lesson, and I will never again pick Pitt or Ohio State to win it all. Your favorite team won't win, either. It's wishful thinking, and in some years it looks like it could really happen, but if you picked them, they're screwed.

3. 3-pointers = 3 rounds. Nothing in college basketball bothers me more than the recent bastardization of the 3-point line. What was once a reward or a shot of desperation or necessity has now become the focal point of a team's entire offense, and their games look like something you do on Playstation. These teams always have some dopey looking white guy (cough cough Pittsnogle) that does nothing but shoot the three, and damnit does he always freakin' make it. They always become the sleeper team and people pick them thinking they are being smart. What they don't realize is that many of these teams rely on the three because they have no inside game, and come tourney time that's a problem. An off night or a defense that will get in their faces will always lead to their demise, and once you get to the later rounds there are too many of those types of teams for them to succeed.

4. Sentimental choices are dumb choices. Teams that come out of nowhere to win their conference tournament, or teams that have some hard luck player or stupid stuff like that tug at people's hearts and convince them that they will ride that emotion to a title. This year it's Syracuse with their 13th year senior Gerry McNamara, whose overexposure on ESPN the past couple days is borderline Bostonian. Now people think they are going to do some damage in the NCAA's since they're riding such a hot streak. Here's my prediction: they're gonna lose in the first round. They spent all their energy in the Big East tourney, and with the four or five day break in between that and the first round, that momentum they had will be gone. Just like those 3-point lovin teams, teams like this just won't have the talent to go all the way.

5. Mid-majors...no. Nothing much to say here. They aren't as good as people think, and picking Gonzaga to win it all is setting yourself up for failure.

6. White men can't jump, nor can they win national titles. Remember a few years ago when Princeton had five white guys and did that slow, boring white guy offense to beat some teams? Man was that lame. If you think a team can go far in the tournament playing fundamental basketball, then you need to get out of the 50s. Not to sound stereotypical, but our people suck at basketball, and when a team of white guys goes up against a team of blacks that are stronger, faster, and more flashy, no amount of the flex offense can help you.

7. A 12 seed will beat a 5 seed. It happens every year. This year my pick is Texas A&M over Syracuse.

8. When in doubt, ask a woman. In 1998, the men in my family spent hours looking at stats and agonizing over who to pick. My mother looked at the bracket and said, "Eh, I'll pick Utah." Now she doesn't even know a basketball is round (this despite the fact my brother and I played basketball all through grade school and high school. That's 16 straight years of watching one and/or the other play), and Utah wasn't very highly regarded, so we laughed at her and thought she was on crack. Two weeks later we reached for the pipes ourselves as the Utes made it to the national championship game. For some reason, women will pick a team based on their uniforms, mascots, and a million other non-basketball reasons, and all too often they end up beating us men who do research and lab experiments to determine who will win. What are we doing wrong, men, and what is your secret, women?

9. None of these rules apply to Duke. For some reason, all these tips go out the window when you consider the Blue Devils (the Arizona one doesn't really count, unless you believe in the duality of college basketball players). They have white guys that can play, they can shoot the lights out at will, everyone picks them and wins with them, and no matter what their seed is or what is going on with their team, they are always in the thick of it at the end. Picking Duke to go far is a wise choice, since they can win a lot of games for you, and their defeat will impact everyone's pool.

There are your tips for a successful and hopefully lucrative month of March. Happy pooling, and good luck. See you next week.